September 12, 2015


It's been ten weeks. No apologies. I've been living life and having fun. But now that my kids are back in school, I'm going to tell you ALL about the last ten weeks, and you'll read my shit cuz it's #worthit....and guaranteed to make you a #jelliehater.

I'm not dragging out the big guns right off that bat and detailing my family's EPIC #summervacation.

And I'm not even going to immediately launch into a bragfest about my EPIC new job which my friend informed me is not really a job at all because I'm not getting paid. Apparently, that makes it "just" a hobby. It feels like a job though, and since I haven't collected a paycheck (except for $25 from Blogher) since 1999, anything that occupies my brain and body on a regular basis outside of my house and away from my kids is a JOB to me. I now work in an arena about which I am extremely passionate, so it's not about the money, people.

First, I am going to share a race report.

Blurry person in the blue tank at the starting line of my first race that day.

Not blurry but also me about 10 seconds later.
This was a great regatta. It's all small person or two people per boat. All ages. All genders. All sizes. When you submit your entry, you guesstimate how long it will take you to cover the course and that determines your initial seed. The organizers weight the entries and create a handicapping system that theoretically levels the playing field. Each boat races 3 times; in each race the competitors get regrouped according to speed in the previous race. I went into it seeded 25th out of 51 and finished 23rd or 24th. That means I was pretty accurate regarding my guesstimate! It was fun even though it was crazy choppy and windy. And I was scared out of my fucking mind because I haven't raced a single scull in 15 years...and even back then it always scared me. I guess that's not really a race report, but fuck it. It was a whole two months ago. In sum: It was hard. It was windy as fuck. I did okay. 

A week later I took my kids to Europe. 

The plane flight there and the first week it was just me with my four kids. It was hard. It was hot as fuck. I did okay. Then my husband arrived with no luggage and a bad-ass case of jet lag. The idea had been for me to go early with the kids and get them over jet lag. My husband would work an extra week and then arrive to an adjusted family, and being a grown-up, he'd be able to hit the ground running and cope with his jet lag in an adult way. Let's face it...jet lag SUCKS no matter how old you are. And it's going to get you. You can't "trick" it. Suffice it to say, it was a stupid idea.

Jet lag.
Sleeping until 2:30 pm every day for the first 4 days.
And up until 6:00 am.
My pictures of the trip were all over Instagram for a month. Seriously, about 25 a day. I was that person. Switzerland in general was the entire family's favorite part of the trip, hands down. You should totally go look at my pictures and pretend you were there. Except the pictures of my six-year old losing her shit in various amazing locations. Be super glad you weren't there for those parts.

Tantrumming in lovely Varenna, Italy.
Note: concerned bystander.
I guess it's kind of horrible to exploit my kid like this.
But #pageviews = #worthit

She must be joyfully running through the alpine meadows...
She's screaming at her brother to wait because SHE is supposed to be FIRST.

I loved this part of the parade in the little village where we stayed.
Guys with huge bells...what's not to love?
They even let me touch them.
And they made so much noise I couldn't hear anyone whining at me or screaming at a sibling.

Then we went to Paris where everyone got throw-up sick, then we came home, and then I got a job :)

The end.

PS...I am so bummed that Janae stopped doing rainbow questions. Since the world needs more RAINBOW, I will continue to do them. Perhaps it will inspire her to start doing them again.

How much do you think those bells weigh? The biggest ones? If you guess close to right you will win a prize! NOT KIDDING!

Have you or a member of your family ever gotten sick when you were traveling on vacation? 

If you have kids, do they ever fight and/or have tantrums? What was the worst? Are you glad they are back in school?


  1. I've missed you! I'm finally on land and can read your posts!

  2. I spent almost every summer of my childhood in Spain while my dad ran a summer abroad program for college students. Your instagram pics took me back to all of the meltdowns my brother and I had in gorgeous museums and cathedrals because art history was boring and we just wanted ice cream.

    1. I really tried to respect that "just want ice cream" place all children inhabit. Gelato three times a day apparently wasn't enough :(. Or maybe it was too much? Most of her meltdowns were stuffed animal related or I'll-perceived mean big brother related. I hope my kids have good memories about this. Please say they will.

  3. I followed along on Instagram - looks like you had an amazing holiday, vomiting, jet lag and tantrums aside.

  4. I loved all your IG pix. Seriously. And about 15 years ago, my oldest son vomited in the car when we were on our way home from Florida. All over the dog's back. And we had just crossed that state line into Alabama. Luckily, they have hoses at their rest stops. And a place to throw out watermelon rinds. Who knew? The car and the dog smelled so bad even though we tried to clean it out.

    1. Car vomit is pretty much the worst. It stinks for DAYS. One time my oldest child vomited in the Louvre Museum. It was glorious. And the museum staff were entirely NOT helpful.

  5. your holiday looked AMAZEBALLS!!!!! and i am all so totally JELLY! jet lags and tanties SUCK but i like how your photos captured them and made em look less tantrum-y

    1. That's because I'm a #problogger. #professional


  6. I loved your Instagram pictures, and admired your courage to take the kids to Europe. My parents took us on trips to our uncle's house, haha. (I had a great childhood!)

    My parents recently went to Spain, and my mom got so sick on the second day that she had to go to the ER. Oddly, only one person there spoke English. (I mean, I get upset when people come to my hospital and don't speak English, but I figure most people educated in Europe study English, so I thought it was strange from that point, just in case you were wondering.) But apparently it was quite the experience.

    1. I can imagine! But isn't it funny how we always ask people in positions of helping in Europe if they speak english? I remember asking the bus driver in Paris if he spoke english (he did!) and then chuckling as I imagined asking a Muni driver in SF if he spoke French.

  7. Thanks for sharing all of your gorgeous vacation photos on Instagram. Loved them all! (and laughed sympathetically at the meltdown photos...)

  8. Bells, I guess 27.4kg
    Love Switzerland had a number of holidays there and will head back one day when the SA rand isn't so weak! Need to understand Instagram and how it works before I can follow anybody, I'm a little slow when it comes to these things!

    1. You are SO close on the bell weight! I'll bet you googled "giant swiss bell weight" to try and win the prize.

  9. I went to the UK and got a horrible cold and had to come home sucked....waste of $. Where ya workin?

    1. As it's a fairly public job and I'm sworn to uphold the institution's standards and whatevers, I think I shouldn't state my place of employment on this public and EXTREEEEEMELY popular, tasteless blog ;-)


Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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