August 29, 2014

A hat trick post...

Blogging is so full of surprises...that last post was viewed by an overwhelming number of visitors. Nonetheless, only 0.5% cared to share their thoughts, which is always disappointing but also interesting. Blogging is all about #PAGEVIEWS, so it's all good.

Almost half of those brave commenting souls mentioned my writing prompt questions at the end of the yeah, 3 out of 7. Maybe if I'd put them in rainbow colors I'd have gotten more responses. Whatevs. Since I'm all about doing the impossible this week (see previous post white-knighting STUFTMama), I'm going to write about all three topics in ONE post in an attempt to please all of the people all of the time. I live in the moment, so "all of the time" nicely translates into RIGHT NOW. 

1. How to handle labral surgery. This is surgery of the LABRUM...not the labia. There are other sites you can visit to find out about female genital mutilation and/or labiaplasty. (not the same thing)

A photo of the Queen of Labral Recovery
prior to her injury.
Back in the fall of 2012, I was still hindered by hip pain to a small degree and wanted to take care of it once and for all. My Google medical degree and a good friend's injury experience led me to believe that a torn labrum was a highly probably diagnosis. 

Before agreeing to further diagnostic imaging, my health plan requires an x-ray. Such bullshit, I thought. A torn labrum isn't going to show up on a fucking x-ray. *snort* So around the same time Elizabeth found out she had a torn labrum, I found out I had a cartilage-free further imaging needed. Yay...not. She and I talked fairly often about her surgery and her recovery plan and life (we were both challenged by similar life issues in addition to our hips). It was very exciting to watch her come back so diligently and thoughtfully from her labral surgery. 

Whenever I meet or hear of a runner facing labral surgery, I instantly refer them to her blog. I know not all labral tears and repairs are the same, I know that we all face our own individual life complications and situations, but I found the way Elizabeth handled her surgery and recovery to be inspiring, enlightening, and beautiful. Even though I had a very different type of hip surgery, I endeavor to allow and assist my body's healing and improving as well as she did. I hope that answered your question, Gracie.

2. Karmic retribution for rolling your eyes at people with food allergies and/or sensitivities.  I am on the not-fun end of that stick. It really sucks to find yourself in this position. Karma stays strong for life's duration. She will always get you...if not early on in the game, then certainly by the end. After believing food allergies and sensitivities were some sort of ruse (except the anaphylactic shock kind that can kill you) and not holding back on stating that opinion, I find myself missing out on every single fucking #froyo meetup due to dairy issues, unable to reward myself with cupcakes after working out due to gluten issues, and never getting to even TRY kabocha squash OR purple sweet potatoes due to potato and potato-derivative sensitivity. I can't even make a damn egg-white-and-almond-flour-grain-free muffin or sneak a Filet-O-Fish sandwich (eggs and fish). As a result, I have become a firm believer in keeping my eyes focused and steadfast...not rolling. A believer, mind you. I am not always able to practice this belief. 

3. How meaningless it is to be in a magazine or on its cover. First of all, participating in a contest to get voted onto the cover of a magazine...what does that really do for you? It lets everyone know of your amazing ability to wheedle votes out of readers, friends, and family. Doing it to lift your blog readership is a waste of time. In my experience, the payoff is insignificant relative to the energy expended. (Incidentally, this goes for all of those beg for votes contest things). You wind up getting people to click on the contest's page and drive up their numbers, but your own will most likely only see a tiny, temporary spike. Maybe. 

Getting onto a magazine cover isn't necessarily a good thing, even when it's based on "merit". (see below)
you're probably wondering why I chose
the People cover featuring Jeffrey Dahmer.
 It will become apparent in a second. 
Being in a magazine is pretty inconsequential, too. Despite what all boyfriends, husbands, brothers, etc. say about their subscription to Playboy...most people aren't really reading any articles. And if they do, that info is pretty much in one ear and out the other...except for a possible brief regurgitation on a blog. And even when it's a really rad mutherfucking picture, no one really remembers it except for you. And maybe your mom and dad.

Of course the article wasn't about ME.
And Dahmer on the cover most likely detracted from our memorability.
But who could forget those snappy Oakleys?
So despite the humblebrag about being in People magazine, there are actually a few valuable takeaways from this post:
  • stop entering those bullshit contests. Nearly everyone except your mom is totally sick of you grubbing for votes EVERY SINGLE MUTHERFUCKING DAY on all of your social media platforms. It's annoying and it isn't going to net you anything that is worth the annoyance.
  • start believing that food sensitivities and allergies are real. Even if you suspect someone is using it as a way of masking an eating disorder, you don't KNOW that and your judgement will leave you (or your children) open to karmic retribution of a magnitude you didn't know existed. 
  • respect your body always...but especially after injury or surgery. Be mindful. Be patient. Be thorough. If you ignore sage advice or half-ass it or blame others for your unwillingness inability to fully and thoughtfully recover and rebuild then most people really won't want to read about it.
Yes, that really is me. 
Yes, Elizabeth really is my friend. 
No, I never DID get to try kabocha squash.

Did you have any other valuable takeaways from this post?

August 26, 2014

Meaningless shit that goes through my head while perusing social media... Part 3: time for the WK

It's been too long.

The problem with doing a "meaningless shit" post this is you have to actually engage in social media, even if only passively. Back when I did Part 1 (nothing compares to the original) and Part 2 (going gif crazy) I had time to burn because I was in a tremendous amount of pain and spent a ton of time just hanging out...miserable...trying to somehow entertain myself.

Since recovering from my surgery I've been far more active. Pain-free is the way to be, baby. Add in summer vacation and bunch of kids, my level of engagement in social media has taken a nosedive. Except Instagram. I'm not wasting my time with hate-reading (not judging you if that's your thing), but even some of my preferred sites have been getting on my nerves, and right now I find myself with a moment to comment.

Get ready, folks. The unimaginable is about to happen. In this episode, I'll be white knighting for...

STFUMama:  I don't read this blog anymore. First of all, I can't relate. Also, her vomitatious concoctions were over the top and I started to feel played. (Yes, I made up the word "vomitatious"...go tell Weird Al and slap me with a WordCrimes fine). On a couple of sites I do visit I've seen a few repetitive themes concerning STFU STUFT.
  • The buttnasty-looking food pics.
  • The immense quantity of exercise.
  • Going against doctors' orders.
Points one and two are well-taken, but the way she is blasted on point three is ill-informed. She has hip dysplasia. So do I. There are varying degrees of dysplasia and a variety of ways in which this condition manifests itself. The bottom line with it is this: your hip joints are going to most likely wear out faster than someone who doesn't have dysplasia.

All the running she does isn't necessarily hastening her journey to hip replacement or crippledness. (yes, I made up that word, too). And all the cross-training and stability work and strength exercises she does may very well be extending the length of time she can remain active with her own hip joints. She purports to follow an anti-inflammatory diet (though the QuestBars and ArticZero and some of the other shit has me shaking my head) and takes supplements believed to reduce inflammation. Additionally, she had prolotherapy injections...which are now being seriously looked at by even my stodgy health plan as a way of treating joint issues that still have hope (unlike mine). So she's done and is doing all the recommended things to prolong her joints' pain-free functionality and stave off arthritis.

AND...did her doctor tell her, in fact, to NOT run??? He told her she may not be meant to be a long distance runner. Not a recommendation that she not run but more an observation that distance running may cause her some problems.

A lot of people have hip dysplasia. A lot of runners have it. Most don't find out until something hurts. Doing stability and strength work helps keep that ball in the socket. When something gets out of whack is usually when the problems arise. My left hip is clearly dysplastic but shows no arthritis. The right is a nightmare.

I suffered from hip pain for 12 first intermittent but eventually constant. I had no idea why. I didn't run from 2001 until 2010. In 2010, after three years of PT and strengthening and stability work, I was able to start running again. I worked up (too quickly) to running a few half marathons and a couple of distance relays. Massage therapy and a great chiropractor kept things feeling "runnable." I backed off on mileage (from <20 miles a week to 10) and cross-trained a ton. When my little bit of residual pain just wouldn't go away, I finally went in for the above x-ray.

When I found out I had severe osteoarthritis in my right hip due to congenital hip dysplasia, my orthopedic surgeon (not a witch doctor/chiro/PT/acupuncturist/soothsayer...but a conservative WESTERN MEDICINE M.D.) told me I could run as much as I wanted...let my level of pain and my willingness/ability to cope dictate my level of activity. He was even interested in prescribing pain medication. In fact, I was told that arthritis LIKES motion, and if running wasn't causing too much pain then to go ahead and run. I panicked and stopped running, thinking I could postpone the death sentence that I thought would be surgery. Stopping made it worse.

Maybe I've said all of this before. And for sure this post is starting to go in circles.

TLDR: she's an idiot for eating stuff that looks like a variety of shits with ejaculate sauce and she is destroying her health by exercising 14 hours a day, BUT based on the information we've been given, running isn't going to "ruin" her hips...she was born with "ruined" hips.

Run, Kristin! Run! while you can.

So yeah...meaningless shit. No one really cares.

What should I write about next? 
  1. The how to handle labral surgery the right way vs. the wrong way?
  2. Karmic retribution on people who roll their eyes at the mere mention of food intolerances?
  3. How meaningless it is to be in or on the cover of a magazine?

August 21, 2014


SIBO's a bitch, and I'm not really dealing with it as rigorously as I should.

Fortunately, it's not a life-or-death situation. Just like my food allergies/intolerances/sensitivities are NOT life-or-death. Not in the immediate sense of something like anaphylactic shock, anyway. But give me gluten and I become a total raging asshole. I don't know why, but that is how it reacts with my body chemistry. Maybe all my little villi get so stressed out and angry that they have to deal with the insanity that is gluten that they whip out little swords or pepper spray (or the intestinal equivalent) and go apeshit on the gluten molecules..."it's us or them!" So perhaps life-or-death on a different scale. Who the fuck knows? Not me.

Dairy makes me irritable, exhausted, apathetic, gassy, constipated and zitty. Eggs bloat me out, as do a whole bunch of things now. Thanks, SIBO. Bitch.

If anyone wants to roll their eyes about food intolerances/allergies/sensitivities, send them my way and give me a Cinnabon before they show up. I'll wolf that puppy down and then go apeshit on them. My plea will be "not guilty by reason of gluten-induced insanity" and I will get off. Who else remembers the Twinkie Defense?


I was looking over the guidelines for treating SIBO. One of the first things you need to stop ingesting is sugar. I was so excited to restrict my diet further! After corresponding with one of my #bloggingbesties who was beginning a 21-day #nosugar stint, I decided to keep her company for 17 days (until I needed to go camping and eat toasted marshmallows). The first two weeks were a lot harder than I had imagined. I seriously fantasized about Junior Mints. I texted my sponsor several times in those two weeks for moral support and guidance, then when I had almost hit the breaking point I realized how good I felt and how NOT BLOATED I was. Honestly, who the fuck knows if it was just the sugar. I stopped eating other shit as a part of my nuke-the-fucking-SIBO regimen, and my marshmallowfest didn't seem to do too much damage vis à vis bloating.

So what's the point of this post?

Hell if I know.

It's been a month since I posted anything and tonight I felt like typing.

And I'm really not kidding when I say...if you're not following me on Instagram you're missing all the good stuff. And you can follow my hiking stats on RunKeeeeeepah. I hate that app.

Like my 13-mile hike...

My couch potato teenaged son is now a hiking machine.
We did this together.

And my latest camping trip...oh, wait...I've taken two...

Proper camping attire.

My big girl jumped in.
The boys were both chicken.

Coolest playhouse EVER.
Carved out of a redwood stump and
 2 stories with stairs.

Best campsite yet.
Spacious and in the redwood grove...
but set a little above which discouraged random
kids from waking us up before 7 a.m.

A #shoelessselfie showcasing my dirty feet.
That is not a tan.
Yes, you can hike in flipflops.

My tiny tree-hugger.
How can anyone ever get sick of redwoods or pictures of redwoods?

And teddy bear blueberry pancakes. Not reposting that here because people get all judgy when you recycle IG on your blog and act like it's new content. Though I doubt judgy people ever read this blog.

And that concludes our random blogpost of the day.

Who wants to do the Avenue of the Giants Marathon with me next May?
–no, I'm not kidding. But I'll be walking.
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