March 29, 2014

A really lame post except for one part. Guess which part?

Not a whole lot to share.

This is the last weekend that my hip will look like this:

un-scarred hip as seen in toothpaste-splattered mirror
Getting ready for a surgery following which I'll be in the hospital for a few days and needing to set up a team of helpers to cover my normal daily routine as a slacker stay-at-home mom is keeping me busy. People don't seem to be available to come sit on my sofa, eat snacks, goof around on the internet, ignore the kids... Just kidding. That's not what I do all day. If you want to know what I do all day, you should be following me on Instagram. That's a lie, too. I just post a lot of pictures of my food, my kids, clouds, generic shit... just like everybody else. I'm a lot more normal than you probably imagine.

For the past week I've been doing a lot of breathing with my incentive spirometer. This is supposed to help me not get pneumonia. You exhale completely and then suck air through the tube and make a little plunger float up to measure how much air you can take into your lungs. Then you slide the little yellow marker up to the highest point it reaches. That it is your target level. Optimizing health isn't enough to make me do it...I'm turning it into a competition. Don't be surprised. It's what I do. Every couple of sessions, I go for a PR. This shit is hard. I can get up to 2750. Any other spirometer-users out there? What are your numbers like? I need to compare myself to you.


I also had to get a tetanus shot...

I'm a total needle-phobe. Injections and IV's trip me out...I can't watch. But apparently I needed a tetanus shot since my last one was in 1991. I guess just in case they can't find a clean and shiny scalpel, they might need to use a rusty one or something? The injection lady was amazing...I didn't even feel it, but I saw the blood so I know she did it. I had her do my left arm because I'm right-handed. When we were done, I reached for my cane...with my left hand. While needle-entry was painless, my shoulder was sooooooo sore. I could hardly use that arm because of the pain. Walking was extra painful for a couple of days between the arm soreness and my awesome hip.

And I had a spontaneous #bloggymeetup!

It was the first time we'd met. She lives right near where one of my kid has soccer practice and, in fact, does her track workouts right there! Since she was mid-workout there was no #froyo. And of course, this could be a blurry picture of a random person that I've never actually met. But it's not.

Did you figure out the part that was less lame than the rest?

Leave a comment with your guess and the answer I like the most will win a prize. A REAL prize. Not my spirometer. I'm loving that thing. Not my femur head paperweight because that's not a done deal yet so I can't promise it. But it won't be some #lamefreeshit. It'll be better than this post. I promise.



34 comments:

  1. I think that the least lame part of this post was the spontaneous meet up. Good luck with your surgery!

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  2. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!

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  3. Clearly the non-lame part was the buttery smooth naked hip pic.
    GOOD LUCK! I'm really tired of you always being in pain, it's about time you got that fixed. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop pandering to the #slut in me.

      And I'm tired of it, too. Next week!!!!!!!!

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  4. I actually think we should have a blogger get together at your bedside, where we can bring you froyo, nuun, compression socks, a 'believe i am' journal and the now-obligatory tutu. We shall take selfies all evening and pool our giant stack of running magazines.

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    1. That would be pretty awesome. And we could live-instagram it and live-tweet it. And then we could all blog about it, share-stealing each other's pics and linking to each other. I WOULD LOVE THAT!!!! Set it up :)

      One prob: I don't have a tutu. But I do have a sparkly skirt.

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    2. I'll bring a tutu if I'm in town.

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  5. Ha! I was going to guess the naked hip pic was the non lame part too ;)

    I think the surgery and prep are so interesting, so thank you for sharing that with us! Good luck!!!

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    1. It's only partial nudity, so I think most of the Ukrainian pornhunters who wind up here probably think it's super lame.

      Thanks for your well wishes!

      Delete
  6. I don't have any of the above...ooh except some nuun. Let's do this! I'll email you both.

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    1. Also, I'm kidding. I'm #froyo-intolerant.

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  7. RE: the spirometer... My brother suffered a spinal chord injury in 2010 and is paralyzed from the chest down. This means he has no control over his abs, which most of us use when competing with the spirometer. In the hospital, after he was taken off the ventilator and slowly moved back to breathing on his own, the respiratory therapists were shocked that he quickly worked himself up to being able to hit 4L on the spirometer (after paralysis and 20 years of pack-or-more-a-day smoking). Lung capacity is one of those annoyingly primarily pre-determined variables...

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    1. I know it's pretty much genetic but you can still try!

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  8. For my breather/sucker thing, they just set it a where I "should" be able to do it based on my height and weight, which was 2750. I think I actually got that twice in my whole time of blowing (sucking? whichever) 10 times every 4 hours. I fucking hated that thing so much. HATE HATE HATE

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    1. I'm really good at emptying out which makes it look like I'm really good at sucking.

      Which is harder...chrome off a trailer hitch, golfball through a garden hose, or an incentive spirometer?

      Delete
  9. wow!!! who knew you had to have some hot and heavy action with a spirometer!! I also do not have a tutu, but do have the sparkle! wishing you an awesome super spectacular recovery!

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  10. A tetanus shot for surgery? Where do you live? In a village somewhere in Africa without running water? That's just disturbing.

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    1. I know! You'd expect that from the bowels of Calcutta, not a big city in Northern California!

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  11. I totally had a spirometer when I was little & sick with asthma all the time. I'm pretty sure it was how my doctor checked that I wasn't dying yet....

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    1. I'm glad he was on top of it. I would be so sad if you had died and I never got to meet you :(

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  12. I want to meet up!!! Good luck with all the goings on. will be sending you positive ju ju and drinking lots of wine for your speedy recovery. and eating lots of swedish fish too. You're welcome :) Hopefully with a new hip you can come flip upside down and batter other parts of your body with me someday!!

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  13. I'm going with the spirometer competition being the non-lame part. I had to use my fiance's competitive drive to get him to use the darn thing when he had spine surgery last year! Oh runners, making games and competitions out of everything!

    Good luck! Positive vibes coming you way from me :)

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  14. Good luck! Sending you lots of healthy vibes!

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  15. Hey good luck with your surgery. I've been thinking about you and hoping everything goes well.

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    1. Awww...thx! It went very well and I'll fill you all in as soon as I can string together a few lucid moments :)

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  16. Are those sunflowers on the hospital bed... looks like you are in a fancy place, hope all went well, and if your op in anything like my wife's the cut they made is a lot lower on your leg, and if people ask about it in years to come I bet you will be telling they about how you were malled be a tiger...

    Still thinking of you.

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    1. Thanks a bunch! That is my bed at home before I went in. My incision is 3.5 inches and starts near my iliac crest. I like made up story idea :)

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Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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