March 29, 2014

A really lame post except for one part. Guess which part?

Not a whole lot to share.

This is the last weekend that my hip will look like this:

un-scarred hip as seen in toothpaste-splattered mirror
Getting ready for a surgery following which I'll be in the hospital for a few days and needing to set up a team of helpers to cover my normal daily routine as a slacker stay-at-home mom is keeping me busy. People don't seem to be available to come sit on my sofa, eat snacks, goof around on the internet, ignore the kids... Just kidding. That's not what I do all day. If you want to know what I do all day, you should be following me on Instagram. That's a lie, too. I just post a lot of pictures of my food, my kids, clouds, generic shit... just like everybody else. I'm a lot more normal than you probably imagine.

For the past week I've been doing a lot of breathing with my incentive spirometer. This is supposed to help me not get pneumonia. You exhale completely and then suck air through the tube and make a little plunger float up to measure how much air you can take into your lungs. Then you slide the little yellow marker up to the highest point it reaches. That it is your target level. Optimizing health isn't enough to make me do it...I'm turning it into a competition. Don't be surprised. It's what I do. Every couple of sessions, I go for a PR. This shit is hard. I can get up to 2750. Any other spirometer-users out there? What are your numbers like? I need to compare myself to you.

I also had to get a tetanus shot...

I'm a total needle-phobe. Injections and IV's trip me out...I can't watch. But apparently I needed a tetanus shot since my last one was in 1991. I guess just in case they can't find a clean and shiny scalpel, they might need to use a rusty one or something? The injection lady was amazing...I didn't even feel it, but I saw the blood so I know she did it. I had her do my left arm because I'm right-handed. When we were done, I reached for my cane...with my left hand. While needle-entry was painless, my shoulder was sooooooo sore. I could hardly use that arm because of the pain. Walking was extra painful for a couple of days between the arm soreness and my awesome hip.

And I had a spontaneous #bloggymeetup!

It was the first time we'd met. She lives right near where one of my kid has soccer practice and, in fact, does her track workouts right there! Since she was mid-workout there was no #froyo. And of course, this could be a blurry picture of a random person that I've never actually met. But it's not.

Did you figure out the part that was less lame than the rest?

Leave a comment with your guess and the answer I like the most will win a prize. A REAL prize. Not my spirometer. I'm loving that thing. Not my femur head paperweight because that's not a done deal yet so I can't promise it. But it won't be some #lamefreeshit. It'll be better than this post. I promise.

March 20, 2014

T Minus 12 and Counting

I'm doing it. I'm excited. And I'm not really feeling inspired to write about it...but here's a little bit.

MILF Runner Blog tends to be super obnoxious. And I am. But not ALL THE TIME. A lot of the time, yes. ALL of the time, no. Right now I'm totally NOT feeling obnoxious.

My hip has been hurting a ton. Some days, I can go from one end of the house to the other without my cane. Others, I can hardly make the turn from the stove to the sink without literally crying out in excruciating pain. It's a difficult pain to describe, this bone-on-bone grinding. At some level, it is now constant. I don't take any medication for it. Neither Tylenol nor Advil. No oxycontin. No heroin. I'm not sure why. It never really occurred to me to take pain killers...or relievers. I always thought it would be better if I could feel the pain because it's trying to tell me something. I'm hoping this makes post-operative pain management easier. I'm probably kidding myself.

Those big plans I had to get in killer shape prior to surgery and to lose this weirdly sudden extra 18 lbs I've been lugging around since the Fall fell by the wayside quickly. Every time I'd hit up the gym, I was in agony for the next several days. Not worth it. As for the weight gain, what the fuck? First of all, how in the hell did it happen? No one knows. Don't give me a line about cals in vs. cals out because that doesn't seem to matter in this case. I'm going with the theory that the stress of the intense pain has fucked with my system really badly so that it thinks it needs to "fill out" with some fat storage. Awesome. I'm going to deal with it post-surgery.

The past month and a half have been spent trying to figure out how the family will handle me being unable to drive anywhere for up to 6 weeks and fairly incapacitated for about 2-4 weeks. It should be interesting. I'm guessing some good family lore will come of it ;-)

Overall, I'm feeling very positive about my upcoming operation and recovery. I like feeling positive. I'm currently gravitating toward things that perpetuate this. If you have any links to awesome inspirational quotes or stories or pictures of kittens doing pull-ups... Just kidding. But funny stories, positive thoughts and words are very welcome. Of course, if you'd rather be super obnoxious at me – go for it.

I find my brain drifting toward recovery goals. Then I remind myself that I have NO IDEA what it's going to be like! I hope that one day I can match my daughter ...

Jumping over the waves... that would be spectacular! For now, I'll set one the end of the summer, I want to hop on my right foot without screaming, crying or falling down. I have zero clue as to whether or not that's overly ambitious or entirely wimpy. We shall see...we shall see.

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