February 11, 2014

I got to touch it.

Not actually "IT" but one just like it.

A prosthetic hip device.

It was way smaller than I had envisioned.

The meeting with the surgeon was amazing. I'm not going to apologize for writing an INFORMATIVE post instead of a scathing mock. My hip is serious business.

Unfortunately (but not a deal breaker), I really didn't like his answers to my key questions...
  • He wasn't keen on the idea of taking pictures in the OR. Didn't rule it out, but he described his process and his Zone and the need for stuff like complete absence of contaminants so the implant doesn't introduce any bacteria or other shit that could cause infection. Infection is WAY BAD in a hip replacement. Because of the iffy "no" regarding pics, I didn't even ask about video. Call me "chickenshit"...go ahead. 
  • He didn't think I was weird for wanting to see the sawed-off femoral head. He said he will not only show it to me, but they can probably take a picture of it for me. But...it will be very challenging to bring that keepsake home. Apparently, it must go to Pathology. And because it's a biohazard or biowaste or whatever, if I want to retrieve it, I must contact a local funeral home. It will be kept in formaldehyde, the funeral home people will collect it and take it back to their place. I will then need to fetch it from them. And pay them. Around $200-$300. That's one pricey mutherfucking paperweight. Not sure I need it. He also said they really aren't all that cool. 
Fortunately, I did like his answers to questions regarding his skill, expertise and experience. And he had a great vibe. So yeah, I guess it was a popularity contest, and he won it hands down. In fact, I canceled all the other consultations with other surgeons. I'm going with this guy.

All the websites I've been checking out to calm myself down and feel informed through this scary, freaky process mention asking how many surgeries the doctor performs in a year, suggesting the number should be at least 300-350. My surgeon-of-choice does about 900. He LOVES doing this.

The big drawback is...I can't get on the official schedule until April or May. The scheduler has put me on the wait list, but she is not yet sure when the "set" date will be. I'm doing my best to be patient.

I know that if push comes to shove and the wait starts to feel unreasonable, I can always just follow along on a few YouTube videos of the surgery and do it by myself at home. I'm definitely as much of a #hardcore #badass #motherrunner as this blogger who is planning an unmedicated c-section...at home, last I heard. One possible flaw with my plan is the lack of readily-available-to-the-public hip implants. No wholesaler will sell me one and I couldn't find any on eBay. And, as luck would have it, there are no blogger giveaways for one. Also, my insurance won't cover it. On the up-side, a major bonus of doing it at home is that there would be no impediments to documentation...meaning: I can LIVE-STREAM it! Maybe I could do it in a blow-up pool in my living room? I think my diseased femoral head might feel better about leaving my body directly into nurturing, warm water. A hospital is so...sterile and uninviting.

But for now I'm working hard to get in shape and lose some weight. Mostly recumbent bike (which I do not enjoy) and elliptical (which I love) and free weights (which are fun). It's kind of interesting to push into the pain as much as I can, knowing that the joint is just going to be shitcanned in a couple of months anyway. No need to baby it or worry about damaging it further. Time to focus on getting as strong as possible. The weight-loss part is a different story for a different post.

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