Working in reverse order here are all of my EXCUSES for #FAILING...ALREADY. Here we are, less than two weeks into the fucking year and I have to give up on all of my goals before I've even started...
#4. Being nicer. First of all, I told you to just forget it because I AM nice. And to prove it I asked you all to link your own goals/resolutions posts in the comments. NO ONE DID, MAN. WTF? So forget it for REAL. I'm just going to be my regular nice self without trying or putting myself out AT ALL.
#3. Becoming a pregnant fitness blogger. My husband freaked out when I proposed this one. I even explained to him all about page views and sponsorships and #FREESHIT. He told me ten is enough. But he said that before...back when there were only eight...and I was able to finagle 2 more. I'm thinking I might still be able to work the Cheaper By The Dozen angle, but age is a limiting factor so this one is time-sensitive. I'm not holding my breath.
#2. Different daily shitfood. My whole family has freaked out on me regarding this. I tried making something different for the family than what I myself eat...which I do most of the time anyway due to my EPIC list of food-intolerances...but they could still see it. At first they thought it was funny; now it just grosses them out and they begged me to stop. My family always comes first.
#1. Run more miles than anyone else in the whole wide world...on a treadmill...with a cane! Again, family comes first :) Spending 6 hours a day on the 'mill cuts into quality family time...as well as personal hygiene and eating and sleeping and running a household. And then there's this...
Remember when I told you about my fucked up hip?
Here's what it looks like...
 |
| my for-real x-ray. |
what CAN I do to make this year EPIC?
how CAN I drive my page views ever upward?
how CAN I inspire my current and future readers?
what sort of INSANE bullshit can I come up with that people will want to follow?
And here's what I came up with:
Get a full hip replacement!
And RUN on it...against the advice of medical professionals!
Because THAT'S WHAT A GOOD BLOGGER WOULD DO!
Because EVERYone needs to know this shit.
Have you ever had major surgery?
–this will be my 4th. I've had a pleurectomy and thoracotomy (as part of one cutting-my-body-open event), an appendectomy and a salpingectomy. No lobotomy...yet.
Know anyone who has had a hip replacement? Tell me only the sunshine and roses stories, please!
How are your goals/resolutions (that you didn't tell me about) going?
How many kids do you have? How many do/did you want?
–we have a blended family of 10 kids...my husband had 6 before we met and we have 4 together. I always wanted A LOT of kids.
How many siblings do you have? How many did you want?
–I'm an only child. I blame my ignorance for my extreme desire to have many children.
What was the last thing YOU had x-rayed?
HIPS... Wel my wife had the BHR which isn't a full replacement, and if that is your hip you might be up for one of those, ask your doctor...
ReplyDeleteNow before the op she walked with a limp and was always sore, that was 18 months ago. Now the Doc say we will aim at the BHR as she is a sports person and not to old. The op went well and within 6 months she ran an 8km race in 48min! She doesn't want another op, so she only runs every 2nd day 30-40min (ok some times up to an hour). She has since run a 10km race in 50min and the same 8km in 40:09...
I can tell you more good news, the Doc had the same op 10 years ago, before that he walked with a stick!!! now he has cycled a number of big (10 day) MNT bike races!!!
So resurface, not replace... let us know.
Good Luck
Now I have no kids (only 2 jack russels), but have 3 brothers and 1 sister (she has 5 kids!)
No real goal for 2014, just to have fun, and Saturdays run was real fun, so I'm winning!!!
I inquired about the BHR. The consensus among those polled was that not only is it WAY too far gone for that, but since I'm a smallish woman I'm not considered a good candidate...failure rate is currently around 10% for my type. And I currently walk with a stick :(
DeleteJack Russels! Those are the best.
Yes small is a problem, my wife's Doc said if she was one size smaller he would have had to do a full replacement...
Deletepop over to SA and get another opinion from him... great excuse for a holiday!!!
You're such a one upper. I think there must be someone out there who can do hip and knee at the same time and run an ultra one week later. I'm going to find them and encourage them to start a blog.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, very sorry you need to do this. I hope you can find the best doctor/procedure for your needs and that it relieves your pain for good. No more cane is a good thing, right?
So if I can get pregnant at age 50 AND get the hip done AND run an ultra THEN I'll be the most #BAMF I mean #BAMR in the UNIVERSE????
DeleteNo more cane would be a good thing except I might lose some pageviews and I was really hoping to score a FREE one...
I think my grandpa had a hip replacement or maybe that was knees. I don't remember. I think that would definitely drive up your pageviews.
ReplyDeleteObviously, to drive up my own blog popularity, I am currently incubating one offspring. I think we will end up with two.
I have an older sister and a younger brother. Oddly, as the middle child, I'm the most well adjusted.
My middle children are the most well-adjusted ones.
DeleteDo you think a cane giveaway would pump the views?
Would you help pimp it out?
Sorry to hear about the surgery, but it sounds like it will improve the quality of your life (after rehab, that is). I've had 3 surgeries - an appendectomy, ACL reconstruction, and a plate installed into my ankle (I'm bionic!). The leg surgeries were a pain in the butt to come back from, but just get yourself a good PT and your motivation to improve will do the rest.
ReplyDeleteI'm kicking butt on my goals - which I didn't post here b/c I assumed that you read them on my blog!! (Deferring blame - what I do best. Maybe also a result of me being the baby of the family, out of 4 girls.)
Big families are full of deferred blame. I'm noticing that. As the only child, I absorb EVERYTHING.
DeleteYour surgery tales leave me hopeful :) And I read your blog. What helps me keep on top of things is to tweet a link directly to ME. Because it's all about ME.
Dammit I was supposed to POST about my camel toe? #fail But now that I'm #focused I see #cameltoes everywhere. Even in the snow, No hip replacements here, just knees. My last x-ray was my heart. Rowing is #badass btw.
ReplyDeleteAnd #rowing #cameltoe is the SEXIEST.
DeleteHave you ever had major surgery?
ReplyDeleteI had a c-sections which is not as inspiring as natural, drug-free childbirth. For the next one I'm hoping to have a drug-free c-section just to demonstrate how much I love my child. Yeah, I'm totally doing it for my child. Uh huh.
Know anyone who has had a hip replacement? My friend had one and he can still drink me under the table. That's good, right?
How are your goals/resolutions (that you didn't tell me about) going? I have no goals which means I'm failing at 0 of them.
How many kids do you have? How many do/did you want?
Soon to be two. I wanted 0 but now I wish I'd started sooner so I could have four or five. we would just need about 3 more jobs to afford them all.
How many siblings do you have? How many did you want?
–I'm an only child. I blame my ignorance for my extreme desire to have many children.
What was the last thing YOU had x-rayed? Not an x-ray, but an ultrasound of my uterus. And it was so, so beautiful.
I forgot to answer one question but your answer applies to me as well. I'm an only child too! I also blame that for my incessant need for validation and praise through blogging.
DeleteYou are planning on that birth being at home, right?
DeleteI want to have a home c-section, that would be SUPER DUPER EPIC.
DeleteThis surgery will be a first for you - a first time that they didn't remove stuff. Although I guess that technically they'll be removing stuff only to replace it with something shiny and new. I don't know anyone that's had a hip replacement but I know a few who've had knee replacements and they've all said that getting into physio soon after is the key to good rehab.
ReplyDeleteOnly removing stuff if you count sawing my femoral head off "removing stuff" ;-)
DeleteYour hip looks like my right knee. Lots of feels for you as I sort of know your pain. My knees are xrayed annually at least. Wooo radiation!
ReplyDeleteOne of my close friends had a hip replacement last spring, she was 39 at the time. I forget more specifically what her issue was -- I think she was (in the words of Lady Gaga) born that way. She had been in a lot of pain for a while and is fully recovered and says she is better than ever.
I haven't a knee replacement yet but a few years back had what is called an "upper tibial osteotomy." 8 weeks non-weight bearing which meant that I had to relearn how to walk. Its so crazy to think how quickly your muscles break down. But I will say while the recovery was long and extremely humbling, the surgery added years to my life and no more pain.
I was born this way too! Apparently I have congenitally abnormally narrow hip sockets (dysplasia) and it has nothing to do with running. In fact, the running may very well have helped stave off the onset of severe symptoms. It worsened with lack of running...as I stopped in the hopes of "saving" the joint. Great.
DeleteThis is your stat-boosting stunt: You are going to do HTC relay as a solo runner, all 12 legs -- I'll drive the van. I won't forget to pick you up at leg 10 and screw the whole WIN thing up. You'll use a Spry Cruz Knee Walker-Roller and we'll get you sponsored by SunSweet Prunes
ReplyDeleteYeah...DON'T GET LOST. #navigationcounts
DeleteTHIS is an EXCELLENT plan. And I won't even have to make an application video...which is the FUNNEST PART.
I just realized that if you're running solo, I don't even pick you up at the exchanges nor do I need a van. I can go take a nap until you're done. We've totally got this!
DeleteBut...but I'll need snacks! And #NUUN! Can you leave small piles along the course? What about a power arch??????
DeleteI had my endometrial lining burned out last January. Good times. I had a few MRIs...a colonoscopy isn't major. Just a bummer. In grade 7 I had a large growth removed off my foot. I missed cross country season. But i am too old to recall that now. In grade 9 i had another growth removed off my ankle. I started figure skating season a month late that year. My grandpa had knee replacement. He was a new man after. And I had a friend in high school have hip replacement surg. She rocks.
ReplyDeleteI wsa certain i gave you my goals...in my lameass blog...
I am super lame. single and no kids. I imagine most peeps with kids look at me with a mixture of pity and wonder.
Middle Kid of three. Most sensitive and known as the Crier.
Last thing xrayed? Ummmm. Jaw. But last fall I had a cool MRI where they injected some dye-something into me that made one whole side of my body go cold.
I have to go look up your big words now.
You are NOT lame. Stop saying that.
DeleteThank You for reminding me of my resolution. #nomorelame Also a resolution I didn't write but should have (cause maybe putting it out there on the interwebs might make it ACTUALLY happen)...get some ACTION!
Deleteps - have you clobbered anyone with the cane yet? Great weapon and poking device!
I had to walk with a cane once when I had an issue with my achilles tendon. I used it way longer than I needed to because I got used to being able to crack people over the head when they pissed me off, (or just because I felt like it.) I miss that cane. Rocks just don’t do the trick and I have horrible aim.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel much better after your surgery and that you can walk and run again with no pain. .....and when you no longer need your cane, would you send it to me?
I like using it to squish bugs on the ceiling and reach things that are far away. I'm keeping it. Sorry!
DeleteI had a laproscopy to laser out endometriosis. The recovery was awful. Other than that, nothing. Doea giving birth to 3 kids in two years count?
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you had SO many kids. No wonder you have so much sarcastic humor ;) I am so amazed. I have three and I'm always on the edge of the crazy cliff.
Lots and lots and LOTS.
Delete#ilovekids
This may be one of my favorite posts ever. I especially love #3. It seems like everyone and their mother is preggo lately and all they can freaking talk about.
ReplyDeleteI've had two ACL reconstruction surgeries for my knees. Not fun, but probably a bit easier than yours!
Let's get pregnant! It's not too late! O shit...actually...it is :(
DeleteI think I read Cheaper by the Dozen at least three times...that was awhile ago! I suppose if I pop kids out two or three at a time, I could hit a dozen myself. However, I guess I would need a man around or something for that to happen, so we wait.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you much about hip replacements except that in nursing school one of my clinicals was on an ortho unit, and most everyone had hip or knee replacements. And most of them were at least 250 pounds, so you have that going for you...
You're still young. I birthed the youngest when I was 46. YOU CAN DO IT! GO FOR 12!!!!
DeleteAnd I've gained a lot of weight :( but yeah, not even close to 250. Yet.
I had my wisdom teeth out and I was such a total wuss about it that I made them put me under general anesthetic. They had me count backwards from ten, I made it to four and then I woke up with my mouth full of cotton. Best (and only) surgery ever!
ReplyDeleteI vote for an ultra once you get your hip replaced, and maybe just have the surgeon replace your knee while their in there, too. Just for funsies. If you do it on a treadmill it will multiple the mechanical factor, and you will be the only omgbionic! running blogger in the world.
I'm #sobummed. It totally WON'T be original if I run with a hip replacement. Other people are doing ultras with them. I suck. Fuck it ALL.
DeleteHappy new year!
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog. Happy I'm not the only one with an EPIC list of food intolerances (sorry for you but happy for me :)
ReplyDeleteI've never had major surgery, just pansy cryotherapy. If I have to though, I'll be writing you for tips!
My goals of doing my Italian program every day has fallen by the wayside, as has lose a shit ton of weight while not dieting. but I did start up running again after breaking my ankle this past year. I'm slow but consistent.
I have no kids and I've only been married a year (despite being Italian and over 30) but I want a lot, like at least 6. Hubs only wants 2. which one of us is right?
I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters. I could do with a few less brothers...
The last thing I had x-rayed was my ankle. 6 weeks after I broke it. I didn't know it was broken I just thought it was being a pussy
Sono italiana, anch'io!
DeleteDi dove sei?
Don't quibble over the number. Just have them and it'll work itself out :)
Sono di Ohio :( Ma i miei nonni sono di Perugia. Di dove sei? and thanks for helping me work on one of my New Years goals!
DeleteSono di california ma ho un passaporto Italiano perche i miei parenti erano di Frisanco, una cittadina vicino a Udine. Mi piace molto trovare qualcuna italiana :)
DeleteNo major surgeries but getting a colonoscopy at age 25 was pretty sweet (also because of food intolerances). The kicker was when the gastroenterologist asked me why I was even getting one, and she was the one who scheduled it. WIN. Thanks for keeping it real when it comes to healthy living. Basically, its hard.
ReplyDeleteOooooo...I get to have a colonoscopy soon because I'm OLD. Did you post the details? Selfies? I need to be prepared.
DeleteWait, you're not kidding? You actually have 10 kids? I can't tell if you're being serious or not, but I thought only religious nutjobs had more than you can fit into a car. (Though I'm gonna guess some are older so you don't need to rent a bus?)
ReplyDeleteSo, do you have the Duggar family on speed dial? I hope you give that mom fashion advice, as she clearly needs it.
Shit...you blew my cover...we ARE the Duggars!
DeleteJK. But we really do have 10 kids. The Duggars seem psycho to me. Anything over 12 is just scary.
And you guessed right...the oldest is about to turn 34 and the youngest is 4. Four of them are out on their own, two are in college and the youngest 4 are at home. The most that have been living at home at any given time has been 6.