This year's set of goals, like all of life, is a work in progress and I'll add to it as becomes clear in the foramen of my third eye's central cortex. That said, here's what I've got so far...
1. Run a quintillion bazillion muhjillion miles! On a treadmill. Incline set at 8.18% for easy runs and 4.44% for tempos. While pushing all of my kids in a
I'll be the Emz-Posts of the running blog world...but with a cane! It will be EPIC.
2. Post a picture of #shitfood every single mutherfucking day! But not the same shit every day...different shit. EVERY day. How many different ways can you make food look like shit? We shall see!
I'll be (VA)RIED(S)HI(T)mama! Got that? Call me VASTmama! It will be EPIC.
3. Get pregnant and keep working out! I was inspired by this post...click HERE. Pregnant, 50, running a quadrizillion miles on a treadmill with a shopping cart full of kids accompanied by my trusty cane. All of which I will document on every social media outlet possible. Starting with a pic of the positive pregnancy test and little baby running shoes next to my own. There have been other pregnant fitness bloggers before but none have been 50 and none have had a cane. My pageviews will skyrocket without the assistance of Ukrainian pornhunters. The world will truly see that I am not only #soblessed but #sobrave and #soinspiring. And endlessly dedicated to my craft. Blogging is my craft.
I'll be like the 4000 other pregnant fitness bloggers...but I'll stand out because I'm 50 and I have a cane. It'll be EPIC.
4. Be a nicer person! Apparently some people had their feelings hurt by some of my posts, so Goal #4 is to show my kinder, gentler side in the blog. I'll take candy-coating lessons in sunshine and roses from my neighborhood golden unicorn whisperer...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did YOU make a goals/resolutions post for 2014? Please link it in the comments so I can read it! Thanks :) that's me working on being nice
I wanna eat some of the #shitfood you post. I should. It should be quite tasty. But as nice as you are (and as awesome as that freakin unicorn outfit is) you don't wanna read my stupid goals. what my goal should have read is stop reading certain people's blogs. the ones where they run a 3 minute kilometre and bitch that is isn't fast enough. I let that shit get to me an sometimes I don't think I am good enough ...oh fatty voice is a huge pain in the ass. I am killing that bitch this year. I will run what I run and just be fuckin happy. THAT should have been my reso-goal.ReplyDelete
Yep. That bitch needs to die.Delete
I wouldn't take it personally - people are probably upset by your blog because they're fucking starving from so much kabocha! And they're jealous of your shit food because it could potentially be less edible than their shit food. Although who am I kidding, no one's ever going to make anything less edible than that gourd-eating treadmill creature.ReplyDelete
LOL. I was actually surprised at the person who was really bent about being mentioned in one of my posts. Anyway, I'm truly never mean-spirited. If someone's seeing it that way, they are seeing it through a crusted-over lens.Delete
Getting a cane really would take this pregnancy to the next level. Thanks for the idea! STEALING IT!ReplyDelete
I recommend the collapsible model...fits perfectly into a diaper bag.Delete
This is really inspiring, but all the #shitfood in this post made me feel bloated so I'm going to go do 3 sets of 10 burpees and try not to kick my fetus while I'm doing them.ReplyDelete
I'm sorry I stole Kenzie's shit cupcake. *hanging head in #bloggyshame*Delete
That Cheaper Than Therapy post was the absolute best! Wish I had seen that before posting my 3 trends I want to see end in 2014. BTW, you are totally going against that with your goals. But that's what will make this year #EPIC for you.ReplyDelete
Marie is the BEST. That's why SHE got the original Circle Jerk pillow :)Delete
Ha ha ha! I think only the third pic looks really shitty - better work on that! :PReplyDelete
No goals/resolutions for me. Barf.
Pork chile verde. YUM.Delete
Perfect. Just so perfect. Please keep 'em coming.ReplyDelete
One thing you forgot though...you should make it a resolution to shill different brands of free shit on your blog and then turn around and sell the shit that you never wore (but promoted as OMGBESTTHINGEVER) in public sites. Email me if you want links :)
I can't shill shit because I have yet to receive any :( Even Chobani has shunned me. They gave it to RoseRunner after she mentioned MY post about it. They are singling me out...they give their shit to EVERYbody :(Delete
Yeah? Well, I'm going to get pregnant with twins and take up Crossfit and do a juice cleanse while Instagramming the shit out of it...all while in a wheelchair. TOP THAT.ReplyDelete
Though being in a wheelchair takes your badass down a notch...that's like RESTING.
Imagine free Shitfood.ReplyDelete
WHERE DID YOU SEE THIS???? HOW CAN I GET SOME????Delete
this series of posts are freaking EPIC.ReplyDelete
I tend to agree. I'm laughing so hard reading these comments!Delete
I'll only be really impressed with your running goals if your shopping trolley has a wonky wheel and it's fully laden. Everyone knows what a bitch those mothers can be to push once you've got a fortnight's worth of groceries in them.ReplyDelete
And as for the pregnancy - I want to see the after shots of you with a six-pack lying on the delivery table. Now that would be awesome!
Didn't you see my video? Speedwork with the multikid cart at Target, baby. But yeah, the wonky wheel would put my awesomeness in a whole new echelon. DOING IT!Delete
Now it is time for you to share the recipes for all that tantalizing food porn you are sharing with us. You should just make your own cook book, toilet book, and I am sure you even have a coffee table book in you of quips and funny stories.ReplyDelete
Your posts never disappoint.ReplyDelete
My favorites are: poop on a cracker, poop cake, and flamboyant naked unicorn.
THAT'S A MARSHMALLOW.Delete
O M GReplyDelete
I love the unicorn man.
ZOMG #shitfood overload! My resolution is to show more camel toe.ReplyDelete
Best resolution EVER.Delete