Seriously, fuck it.
How can you mock shit like underwear with something running/fitness-related written on the butt...especially when you can get them in a 3-pack for $48? That breaks down to only $16 each. Magical underpants. They're from Oiselle and are sure to get you laid and make you run fast...AT THE SAME TIME.
And what blogger wouldn't LOVE the indulgence of gourmet oatmeal? It's classic and only takes 5 minutes to cook! You simply canNOT make fun of a 14-oz $10 can of oatmeal. The perfect foil to your NutZo or leftover hamburger...
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So then I thought "Fuck mocking shit...let's go original and get CRAFTY!" Everyone loves shit you make yourself...it shows love and intention and an unwillingness to buy into the corporate overload of advertising and consumerism.
Garmin Wrist Protectors are a great homemade gift! These are ideal for super bony, undernourished wrists. And if you're nervous about your crafting abilities, you can order a set from me :) (pumping pageviews with the link and promoting my own handiwork in one fell swoop...#rockstarblogging right there)
Dudeband™ has shut down its site but that link provided takes you to a competitor that makes an actually better product than the original and gives DIY tips. (Unfortunately, this was the only photo I could find, and it's of a "basic" model with no embellishments). If SparklySoul is out of your price range and you're digging the crafty/homemade gift idea thing, a knock-off Dudeband™ which comes with many decorated options is a great choice. And as the competitor's site claims...recycle, repurpose, reuse. Nothing says "i love you" more clearly than sustainability.
And then I thought of some novelty gifts for running/HLB bloggers that could be practical as well as fun ...like a boot!
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| because a stress fracture is inevitable. |
and a Ball Gag
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| because we're really sick of fucking gift guides so STFU. Please. |
I feel so badly that I didn't get this out before the holidays started and totally missed Hannukah. This is not an anti-semitic move on my part...some of my best friends are Jewish...really. It's more an indication of the fact that I lack organization and timeliness.
What are you most excited about giving this year?
Omg! Run faster and get laid? Sign me up!! I love Sheldon.
ReplyDeleteHeh Heh, I adore the Oiselle girls, think so many of them are great but the running underwear did make me go "Reeeeaaaallly?" When I think of underwear I think sexy, private, bedroom wear. Nothing running related needs to be in my bedroom, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteWell, I WAS really excited about the snarky gift guide I was going to publish tomorrow BUT NOW YOU'VE RUINED IT. And I don't wear underwear.
ReplyDelete#COMMANDOTWINSIES!!!
DeleteThe boot is key, especially if you're seriously participating in the RW Run Streak.
ReplyDeleteFunny story about those underwear: When they first came out, I tweeted Oiselle to be like "why would I want these, they aren't even technical fabric, so I can't wear them running (which is the only reason I'd consider paying that amount)." And they responded something like "no, they're just for style and FUN!" oook
Sigh. No Mizuno Wave Rider 17s? No NUUN? No subscription to Runner's World? Fail, MILF, fail!
ReplyDeleteDID YOU NOT SEE ALL THOSE PAPERS FLYING???? All the things you mentioned were in there.
DeleteThe waves are glutted with that shit. I told you I was going a different direction....this was not a mocking post. *eye roll*
My Trader Joe's quick cook steel cut oats feel inferior. They were 1/3 the cost for twice as much oat and take an extra 3 minutes to cook :( My oats are also sad that I am not disordered enough to stir leftover hamburger into them.
ReplyDeleteYou could wear the ball gag at mealtimes and ACT disordered. Fake it til you make it...your oats deserve to be happy.
DeleteI was really hoping to see some used C-list compression crafts from you Milfy. I'm giving egg-white chips this year. Who wouldn't want those?
ReplyDeleteCOMPRESSION CRAFTS???!!! BRILLIANT! It's not too late...
DeleteAnd I deserve those fucking egg-white chips.
I'd be excited to have any presents at all to give away. Just waiting for gift shopping inspiration to strike before I actually start shopping, I'm sure it'll hit me any day now . I hope it will hit me any day now. (I secretly think I'm screwed and there's no such thing as inspiration)
ReplyDeleteI got legitimately excited about the Garmin wrist protector. I think I may need help.
ReplyDeleteYES, i'm happy you wrote this! I was on the verge of doing a snarky/ranty/complainy post about ALL THE DAMN gift guides from ambassadors of every fitness thing ever, but it annoyed and overwhelmed me so I said screw it.
ReplyDeletePsht, girl -- hook me up with one of those garmin wrist protectors.
ReplyDeletehahahahaha!!! What I want to know is what would YOUR rundies say?!
ReplyDelete