November 10, 2013

Meaningless shit that goes through my mind while perusing social media...Part 1

Some people I only really follow on Instagram and others mostly on Twitter. I get some on FB. There are only a few blogs I read with much regularity. If you want me to read yours (hahahhahahahahaha!) please leave a link in the comments and I will definitely check it out. But most people I see via social media, whether regularly or occasionally, seem to generate the SAME thoughts and feelings EVERY time I see what they're sharing. Here are some examples...


Instagrammies...

nycrunningmama: ooooo, another nice Garmin photo. is it the same one as last time? mmmm, sweaty post-workout cleavage selfie...but is the Mr. getting any of that?

hannahviolin: that is the fucking hugest cat I've seen since ours died.

sharsti: where did they get this name? if I have another girl, "sharsti" is on the list. (surprisingly and seriously, it "goes" with my other girls' names)


Tweeters...

team runner for life: why in the fuck do I follow you? you only tweet inane pseudoinspirational faux-pithy sayings or links to sexualized female athletes and Kate Upton's boobs...which isn't necessarily a bad thing...but what are you...16? WHY DO I FOLLOW YOU?  because i  like kate's boobs, too  :/

pavement runner: i wonder if you'd like one of my special throw pillows. i get the idea you'd like to be a male janae. At least I think you're male...

arsenio billingham: (mental picture of crazy chick running while pushing a jogging stroller filled with abortions-in-a-jar and hydrating from a bottle of vodka)


Multiple venues...

kris lawrence: do you even know how fast you are? how do you remain so beautifully humble?

blonde ponytail: I MISS THE NASTY JESS...the one the public doesn't get to see. Please... just once... show us your tits and stop it with the Reebok and GNC.

teamarcia: KOMBUCHA!  and Chris Korn.

nurse on the run: shortest shorts of the short shorts.


FB...

the fit fork: did you go today? would it be annoying if I were to click "like" on everything you post...especially if it's about beef? I also want to "favorite" all your tweets just to get your attention. Not really sure why...


Primarily on the blog...

 coachdion: does your wife miss you?

melissa: GUNS! and feminine hygiene products...

stuftmama (I have to admit being slightly obsessed with this one): how in the fuck do you get all this free shit? how do you survive eating just SHIT and exercising ALL THE FUCKING TIME???? how can your hip be all fixed and pain-free (I think I'm very envious of this one)? do you know what "whelp" even means? do you really LIKE the food you photo for your blog? what else do you really eat? are you fucking with us by only posting pictures of food that looks like actual human excrement?

marie: SPARKLE, MUTHERFUCKER!

hungry runner girl: can we just hang out and be #IRLBFF's? I promise no swearing if you say "yes" :)


************************

And today's question:
...because I don't want to die.






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54 comments:

  1. KatheeNovember 10, 2013 at 9:12 PM

    Love it! I just barely started looking at Stuft Mama. I like the blog and recipes but mostly I'm amazed how anyone has time! Between work, running and my hoarders/intervention addiction there isn't much time to share about it.
    Say no to shit up your ass. It can get lost and kill you. I've seen it happen. #myjobisweirderthenyours

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 10, 2013 at 9:37 PM

      I've heard tales of people inserting fluorescent light tubes and having them shatter. When I was in the ER for what turned out to be appendicitis, a call came in from a guy who'd lost something electronic and turned "on" up his ass. The nurses found this rather comical...despite my pain, so did I. I think he lived.

      Delete
  2. RoseRunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 12:20 AM

    I followed pavemt runner on twitter for five minutes and then had to stop. Ew.

    Also, I must have missed the nasty phase of blonde ponytail. It's always been boring crossfit and fitspiration since I first took a peek

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 1:07 AM

      Long ago...in a galaxy far, far away...

      Delete
    2. Jess @ Blonde PonytailNovember 11, 2013 at 3:11 PM

      Ha! I'll work on it. Must separate my mom self from nasty self ;)

      Delete
    3. Ted BraunNovember 12, 2013 at 6:22 AM

      No disrespecting meant in post below...! In looking at not so cool on my part - apologies.

      Delete
  3. coach dionNovember 11, 2013 at 4:29 AM

    I think the question should be the other way round... My wife spends more time at the gym or running than I do! She is more OCD than I am. I think she swims up to 10km a week, runs 30km and does so many other exercises I don't know how she makes time to work the dogs twice a day and then have the energy to look after me!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 1:56 PM

      You two need to take a simultaneous week off and reacquaint yourselves with each other.

      Delete
    2. coach dionNovember 12, 2013 at 2:52 AM

      With summer here we will try and cycle a bit together, and I will get Dawn to cycle while I run on the road...

      Wait for it I'm running a marathon this weekend and yes sshe will come and support, but I bet she ends up following the front of the race, maybe I must aim to bee there...

      Delete
  4. Ted BraunNovember 11, 2013 at 7:14 AM

    Good stuff there MILF Runner.
    I somehow stumbled into the Blonde Ponytail blog a while back (obviously not far enough back) but also found it boring cross-fit rah-rah stuff, so to the RSS feed chopping block it went.
    How did I miss said prior phase...? May have to go and look for some old school entries.

    ReplyDelete
  5. MarieNovember 11, 2013 at 8:49 AM

    HAHAHA! I love how this is equal parts complimentary and scathingly critical.

    Fact: I only log in to twitter to see AR's tweets.

    ReplyDelete
  6. misszippyNovember 11, 2013 at 2:27 PM

    I'm getting nervous for part two...

    ReplyDelete
  7. RagemichelleNovember 11, 2013 at 2:35 PM

    Damn. I didn't know we were supposed to ask dildo questions at the end of our blog posts...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 5:27 PM

      Ummm...YEAH. That's the whole point if writing a blog post. Didn't you get the memo?

      Delete
    2. ARNovember 25, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ALL YOUR DILDOS CUNTTWATS

      Delete
    3. MILF RunnerNovember 25, 2013 at 4:53 PM

      I was going to mention how SHOUTY you are...

      Delete
  8. MiaNovember 11, 2013 at 4:46 PM

    How could you forget Caitlin HTP and all her inspirational challenges? Or, what about Carrots n' Cake...how does she really survive on only 800 calories a day?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 5:26 PM

      Ooooo...a couple of must-reads for Part Deux! I don't know that I've ever read those two...thanks for the tip!

      Delete
  9. cherrylimebabeNovember 11, 2013 at 5:38 PM

    MILF and all I can say to that is "GO BEEF" get it, get it?!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kristen LawrenceNovember 11, 2013 at 8:26 PM

    Mother trucker, you just killed me. I saw my name and prepared for the worst! ha. You don't have to go easy on me, I can handle it...but wow, I'm thrilled you didn't ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 11:55 PM

      Here: you're an elite-level athlete wondering if speed work is going to help you get faster? Really??? Oh wait did I just roll my eyes OUT LOUD? Go kill Philly, woman :)

      Delete
  11. AMNovember 11, 2013 at 11:37 PM

    I love the title of you blog. I bet I'm the first person to EVER write that eh? but i really do. thanks for swinging by mine. I'll be back ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 11, 2013 at 11:56 PM

      That's because you embody the title. I'll be sending you your official #milfluential t-shirt shortly ;-)

      Delete
  12. RunningOnCoffeeNovember 12, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    [Slow clap]. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Running RicigNovember 12, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    Seriously, why I have I not been reading your blog since it's conception. This is the greatest post in the history of posts. No wonder your comments bring me so much joy in life.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Melissa Running ItNovember 12, 2013 at 4:16 PM

    Oh to be known by guns & feminine hygiene products - every bloggers dream. Dang, I gotta step up my game.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Crystal@TheFastFitRunnerNovember 12, 2013 at 6:00 PM

    Umm...did my comment not post? I typed it twice and didn't get a moderator comment. Hello?! I typed it twice because it was so witty and funny, and now it isn't here. wtf?

    ReplyDelete
  16. CarolineNovember 13, 2013 at 10:48 AM

    First time visiting here.....your "name" in the comments of my last post got me curious,,had to come see if it was really what I thought it was...,thanks for stopping by.... I am probably one of the few who will get that Kris Korn reference:)... He was the first blog I started following ....sure miss his sarcasm around the blog world ....well part 2....that is scary but I will be back....

    ReplyDelete
  17. bubblegum castingNovember 16, 2013 at 4:26 PM

    Milf runner I love your blog!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. amandaNovember 17, 2013 at 3:00 PM

    I have a girl crush on you. I will be sending you a ginormous no-grain plantain cupcake as a present. You will have to supply your own coconut butter, chia seed and banana. I hear it's good fuel before a race. I may include some Shot Bloks in the package. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 17, 2013 at 9:46 PM

      Do you promise to BURN IT???

      I will require nut butter from raw nuts freshly ground between two Paleozoic-era grinding stones and Nuun for my entire entourage if you ever want to see my tits again.

      Delete
    2. coach dionNovember 18, 2013 at 1:58 AM

      Again, what about for a first time?

      Delete
  19. amandaNovember 18, 2013 at 7:47 AM

    I will send you a jar of Jiff and your body will not know the difference. You , however, will be delighted by the sugary goodness. As a result, you will be so greatful to be done with the paleo shit, you will show your tits all the time to anyone who requests it. Your life will become Mardi Gras....I will send the Nuun though. Showing your tits constanrly requires your electrolytes be perfectly balanced for optimum performance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 23, 2013 at 2:43 AM

      My life already IS Mardi Gras. #MUSTHAVEMORENUUN

      Delete
  20. ElizabethNovember 18, 2013 at 11:25 PM

    omg. is it so terrible i just thought you stopped blogging. and then this. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousNovember 19, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    This is.....fucking amazing. love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. CoreyNovember 19, 2013 at 4:41 PM

    A little birdie ^^^^ (but not the Oiselle kind) told me to come by and read this post. OMG. I can't wait for part II.

    ReplyDelete
  23. amyNovember 19, 2013 at 11:06 PM

    i just found your blog and i really enjoy this post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 23, 2013 at 2:40 AM

      There's plenty more where this came from so stick around ;-)

      Delete
  24. Angela KnottsNovember 23, 2013 at 12:40 AM

    OMG I think I just fell in love with you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AdawkNovember 24, 2013 at 7:18 AM

    this cracked me up, will totally start stalking you now!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Michele @ nycrunningmamaNovember 25, 2013 at 3:00 PM

    Haven't heard the Mr complain yet so I guess I must be doing something right. And bf'ing doesn't hurt to create a little more cleavage. Since you follow me on IG, I guess you must like what I'm posting. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerNovember 25, 2013 at 4:05 PM

      I wouldn't follow if I didn't. I was also super impressed with your Philly experience and take-away. Well done.

      Delete
  27. ARNovember 25, 2013 at 3:58 PM

    You know I'm totally gonna instagram myself pushing my abortions in a jar while slugging back Vodka now, right?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Susan - Nurse on the RunNovember 27, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    It's 40 degrees and raining, maybe I'll break out the bun huggers instead of the short shorts...

    ReplyDelete

Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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