November 10, 2013

Meaningless shit that goes through my mind while perusing social media...Part 1

Some people I only really follow on Instagram and others mostly on Twitter. I get some on FB. There are only a few blogs I read with much regularity. If you want me to read yours (hahahhahahahahaha!) please leave a link in the comments and I will definitely check it out. But most people I see via social media, whether regularly or occasionally, seem to generate the SAME thoughts and feelings EVERY time I see what they're sharing. Here are some examples...


Instagrammies...

nycrunningmama: ooooo, another nice Garmin photo. is it the same one as last time? mmmm, sweaty post-workout cleavage selfie...but is the Mr. getting any of that?

hannahviolin: that is the fucking hugest cat I've seen since ours died.

sharsti: where did they get this name? if I have another girl, "sharsti" is on the list. (surprisingly and seriously, it "goes" with my other girls' names)


Tweeters...

team runner for life: why in the fuck do I follow you? you only tweet inane pseudoinspirational faux-pithy sayings or links to sexualized female athletes and Kate Upton's boobs...which isn't necessarily a bad thing...but what are you...16? WHY DO I FOLLOW YOU?  because i  like kate's boobs, too  :/

pavement runner: i wonder if you'd like one of my special throw pillows. i get the idea you'd like to be a male janae. At least I think you're male...

arsenio billingham: (mental picture of crazy chick running while pushing a jogging stroller filled with abortions-in-a-jar and hydrating from a bottle of vodka)


Multiple venues...

kris lawrence: do you even know how fast you are? how do you remain so beautifully humble?

blonde ponytail: I MISS THE NASTY JESS...the one the public doesn't get to see. Please... just once... show us your tits and stop it with the Reebok and GNC.

teamarcia: KOMBUCHA!  and Chris Korn.

nurse on the run: shortest shorts of the short shorts.


FB...

the fit fork: did you go today? would it be annoying if I were to click "like" on everything you post...especially if it's about beef? I also want to "favorite" all your tweets just to get your attention. Not really sure why...


Primarily on the blog...

coachdion: does your wife miss you?

melissa: GUNS! and feminine hygiene products...

stuftmama (I have to admit being slightly obsessed with this one): how in the fuck do you get all this free shit? how do you survive eating just SHIT and exercising ALL THE FUCKING TIME???? how can your hip be all fixed and pain-free (I think I'm very envious of this one)? do you know what "whelp" even means? do you really LIKE the food you photo for your blog? what else do you really eat? are you fucking with us by only posting pictures of food that looks like actual human excrement?

marie: SPARKLE, MUTHERFUCKER!

hungry runner girl: can we just hang out and be #IRLBFF's? I promise no swearing if you say "yes" :)


************************

And today's question:
...because I don't want to die.






54 comments:

  1. Love it! I just barely started looking at Stuft Mama. I like the blog and recipes but mostly I'm amazed how anyone has time! Between work, running and my hoarders/intervention addiction there isn't much time to share about it.
    Say no to shit up your ass. It can get lost and kill you. I've seen it happen. #myjobisweirderthenyours

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard tales of people inserting fluorescent light tubes and having them shatter. When I was in the ER for what turned out to be appendicitis, a call came in from a guy who'd lost something electronic and turned "on" up his ass. The nurses found this rather comical...despite my pain, so did I. I think he lived.

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  2. I followed pavemt runner on twitter for five minutes and then had to stop. Ew.

    Also, I must have missed the nasty phase of blonde ponytail. It's always been boring crossfit and fitspiration since I first took a peek

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    Replies
    1. Long ago...in a galaxy far, far away...

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    2. Ha! I'll work on it. Must separate my mom self from nasty self ;)

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    3. No disrespecting meant in post below...! In looking at not so cool on my part - apologies.

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  3. I think the question should be the other way round... My wife spends more time at the gym or running than I do! She is more OCD than I am. I think she swims up to 10km a week, runs 30km and does so many other exercises I don't know how she makes time to work the dogs twice a day and then have the energy to look after me!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You two need to take a simultaneous week off and reacquaint yourselves with each other.

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    2. With summer here we will try and cycle a bit together, and I will get Dawn to cycle while I run on the road...

      Wait for it I'm running a marathon this weekend and yes sshe will come and support, but I bet she ends up following the front of the race, maybe I must aim to bee there...

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  4. Good stuff there MILF Runner.
    I somehow stumbled into the Blonde Ponytail blog a while back (obviously not far enough back) but also found it boring cross-fit rah-rah stuff, so to the RSS feed chopping block it went.
    How did I miss said prior phase...? May have to go and look for some old school entries.

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  5. HAHAHA! I love how this is equal parts complimentary and scathingly critical.

    Fact: I only log in to twitter to see AR's tweets.

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  6. I'm getting nervous for part two...

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  7. Damn. I didn't know we were supposed to ask dildo questions at the end of our blog posts...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ummm...YEAH. That's the whole point if writing a blog post. Didn't you get the memo?

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    2. I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ALL YOUR DILDOS CUNTTWATS

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    3. I was going to mention how SHOUTY you are...

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  8. How could you forget Caitlin HTP and all her inspirational challenges? Or, what about Carrots n' Cake...how does she really survive on only 800 calories a day?!

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    Replies
    1. Ooooo...a couple of must-reads for Part Deux! I don't know that I've ever read those two...thanks for the tip!

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  9. MILF and all I can say to that is "GO BEEF" get it, get it?!!!

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  10. Mother trucker, you just killed me. I saw my name and prepared for the worst! ha. You don't have to go easy on me, I can handle it...but wow, I'm thrilled you didn't ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here: you're an elite-level athlete wondering if speed work is going to help you get faster? Really??? Oh wait did I just roll my eyes OUT LOUD? Go kill Philly, woman :)

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  11. I love the title of you blog. I bet I'm the first person to EVER write that eh? but i really do. thanks for swinging by mine. I'll be back ;-)

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    Replies
    1. That's because you embody the title. I'll be sending you your official #milfluential t-shirt shortly ;-)

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  12. Seriously, why I have I not been reading your blog since it's conception. This is the greatest post in the history of posts. No wonder your comments bring me so much joy in life.

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  13. Oh to be known by guns & feminine hygiene products - every bloggers dream. Dang, I gotta step up my game.

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  14. Umm...did my comment not post? I typed it twice and didn't get a moderator comment. Hello?! I typed it twice because it was so witty and funny, and now it isn't here. wtf?

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  15. First time visiting here.....your "name" in the comments of my last post got me curious,,had to come see if it was really what I thought it was...,thanks for stopping by.... I am probably one of the few who will get that Kris Korn reference:)... He was the first blog I started following ....sure miss his sarcasm around the blog world ....well part 2....that is scary but I will be back....

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  16. I have a girl crush on you. I will be sending you a ginormous no-grain plantain cupcake as a present. You will have to supply your own coconut butter, chia seed and banana. I hear it's good fuel before a race. I may include some Shot Bloks in the package. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you promise to BURN IT???

      I will require nut butter from raw nuts freshly ground between two Paleozoic-era grinding stones and Nuun for my entire entourage if you ever want to see my tits again.

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    2. Again, what about for a first time?

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  17. I will send you a jar of Jiff and your body will not know the difference. You , however, will be delighted by the sugary goodness. As a result, you will be so greatful to be done with the paleo shit, you will show your tits all the time to anyone who requests it. Your life will become Mardi Gras....I will send the Nuun though. Showing your tits constanrly requires your electrolytes be perfectly balanced for optimum performance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My life already IS Mardi Gras. #MUSTHAVEMORENUUN

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  18. omg. is it so terrible i just thought you stopped blogging. and then this. xoxo

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  19. This is.....fucking amazing. love it!!

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  20. A little birdie ^^^^ (but not the Oiselle kind) told me to come by and read this post. OMG. I can't wait for part II.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I'll even mention you. Or Oiselle.

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  21. i just found your blog and i really enjoy this post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's plenty more where this came from so stick around ;-)

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  22. OMG I think I just fell in love with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG I think you really just love my donuts ;-)

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  23. this cracked me up, will totally start stalking you now!!

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  24. Haven't heard the Mr complain yet so I guess I must be doing something right. And bf'ing doesn't hurt to create a little more cleavage. Since you follow me on IG, I guess you must like what I'm posting. =)

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    Replies
    1. I wouldn't follow if I didn't. I was also super impressed with your Philly experience and take-away. Well done.

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  25. You know I'm totally gonna instagram myself pushing my abortions in a jar while slugging back Vodka now, right?

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  26. It's 40 degrees and raining, maybe I'll break out the bun huggers instead of the short shorts...

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    Replies
    1. I always have that visual from the HTC video...

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Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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