November 26, 2013

Baby steps...

My new physical therapist has determined that my glutes don't know what the fuck they are doing. Or rather, they don't know how to do anything. Nice when they're an integral part of AMBULATION. Little bitches just been going along for the ride for years, apparently...

Re-learning how to walk has been interesting. My BFF, The Cane, has helped. The cane allows me to normalize my gait without fearing the excruciating pain I experience when not using the cane. No pain = win in this case. All of my hip stabilizers and trunk stabilizers are essentially on lockdown and don't work the way they're supposed to. Spasming continuously is no way to go through life, son. With the cane, the soft tissue work the PT and the massage therapist do has a chance to stay relaxed. This, in turn, allows the muscles that are SUPPOSED to be working to engage. Like the glutes.

Right now my right piriformis is like a piece of rebar. My QL and psoas (including iliopsoas) are clenched. And my obturator internus is more tightly strung than a piano wire. The soft tissue work is super painful, but when it's done....aaaaahhhhhhh...that's a sigh of relief and pleasure.

Once everything gets used to not clenching down, we will need to start strengthening the weak stuff. Like the glutes.

We've started this process in baby step form already. After being used to pretty heavy-duty workouts, this is so very humbling ....and kind of boring. I keep reminding myself that I'm going create the strongest ass I possibly can. I'm going to support my hips with the strongest and most functional system I can create with this body of mine. And that it's going to start with baby steps...

If you follow me on Instagram, which you SHOULD,
you've already seen these pictures. 
Once everyone in the world is following me on IG,
then and only then can I stop double-posting because
I really don't want anyone to miss out on this 
Like today you've already missed what happened at the grocery store.
You need to know this stuff, guys.

The Tiger Tackle
First exercise: drape body over something so ass is sticking up in the air.
This prevents using quads or hamstrings, thereby isolating the glutes.
Squeeze glutes, focusing on gluteus medius.
Hold for 5 count.
Repeat 10 times or until failure, whichever comes first.

Tiger Embrace
Second exercise: Hug tiger while side-lying and prop top leg on its body.
With back to wall, hips only slightly bent, top leg bent at 90ยบ angle...
place sole of top foot against wall and, isolating gluteus medius,
push into the wall.
Hold for 5 count.
Repeat 10 times or until failure, whichever comes first.

Sounds simple enough, I know. But I get leg-shake from this.

Despite many professional views to the contrary, I've decided I'm going to run again someday. And it will be pretty and gazelle-like and pain-free. I'm resilient and I'm strong and I'm not stupid so it'll probably only be for short distances and without performance-aiding drugs. Even though current trends indicate that the only distance worth blogging about is the marathon, I won't be shutting down the blog. I aim to change that bias. 

I am extremely bummed that I won't get to defend my turkey trot title (yes, last year I was first female at a local race) but perhaps I'll get the opportunity to reclaim it next year :)

Notice how I'm not even going to do the self-deprecating thing and say how small the race was, yada, yada, yada... I'm going to own my win and be grateful I had that moment and savor the fuck out of it :)

Happy Thanksgiving, all of you Americans. Put the focus on the feeling of gratitude. 

Do you usually eat until you feel sick at Thanksgiving?

Will you be having a traditional Thanksgiving?

Who are you least looking forward to seeing at your get together? Most looking forward to seeing?

Does happiness or dysfunction usually reign at your family gatherings?

Have you ever done PT? Did you do your exercises religiously or sporadically or not at all?


  1. You'd better be careful with those exercises. Even the tamest tigers can attack their owners/trainers. Only just yesterday there was an attack at Dreamworld.

    1. And who can forget Siegfried and Roy? I don't snuggle our white tiger because he does get aggressive. And jealous.

  2. I have no idea what half of the body parts you listed are, but it definitely sounds horribly painful. How does one's body not know how to work right?

    I go to my In-Law's for Thanksgiving and it is...something...

  3. so in other could bounce quarters off your ass? Is that what you are saying? ACtually...some of what you are saying sounds like some of the issues I have...oh dear god. I have to stop reading the interwebs!!!!

  4. When I get back from training I often fun myself flopping down over the couch like that...

  5. That tiger is totally pawing your boob, among other things. I know you WILL run like a gazelle again :-)

    1. That tiger and I are FWB. It's white tiger brother is totally jealous.

  6. Currently in physical therapy because apparently my ankle has basically just been hanging off my leg for my entire adult life doing nothing but causing problems like achilles tendinitis, IT band issues and bursitis. I don't have a tiger though.


Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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