I have nothing interesting to say today except that my family went to Disneyland.
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| A little road off to the side of I-5. It was about a million degrees. |
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| I love this little guy. |
I'm calling it #dumbshitdoubledare for reasons that have nothing to do with DISNEY or DUMBO.
It was about 100ºF. All weekend. Maybe it cooled off to 80something when the sun went down. It's a good thing people rarely actually RACE these Disney runs. But I don't think racing in the heat is inherently dumb.
Not only do people wear costumes for these races, but then some of them go to the park all day in the costume. But even that isn't all that dumb.
Walking around in a ginormous neon green and pink tutu with matching compression calf-sleeves and flipflops ALL DAY LONG is dumb. Although I guess it could be stated that they were SLEEVES and not full-on socks so beating the heat...sort of.
Then I couldn't help but notice the medals. Which is the whole point of wearing 15 medals (or at least one or three) around ALL DAY LONG. To be noticed.
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| Hey! look! it's Michael Phelps! He looks like he's put on a little weight since the Olympics... Wait! NO!!!! It's FLAVOR FLAV!!! YEAH BOY!!!! I obscured their faces to protect the innocent. Poor kid in the plaid shorts...no bling :( |
I'll admit it. I have a thing about finishers' medals. I think they're bogus. But that's just me, and we can still be #bloggingbesties even if you like them. Maybe. I remember tucking my medals into my top upon leaving the podium and then taking them off and putting them away upon leaving the course area. Parading around in a medal always seemed kind of braggy to me. But I guess if you're wearing the same medal as everyone else then it isn't braggy?
Whatever...
People were wearing the medals around not just all day the day of the race but also all day THE DAY AFTER. And it was so fucking hot. I felt like I was drowning in sweat just looking at them with all that weight around their necks. On thick, heavy ribbons. Clanking like fucking Jacob Marley in The Christmas Carol, doomed to walk the earth never finding rest or peace.
So that was the super dumbest part.
I did some dumb stuff, too. Mine mostly involved reading things incorrectly.
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| Totally thought this said SURPRISE CHILDREN |
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| Totally thought this one said CUNNILINGUS AVENAL But then I remembered we were in Coalinga. It was late...and I had to use the bathroom with urgency. |
But also...I do not recommend doing an intestinal cleanse while on a road trip...with children to Disneyland just made it extra special. This was almost as dumb as wearing 15 lbs. of clanking shininess weighting down your neck for days on end. But not quite.
Stay tuned for my next post on how to single-handedly destroy a roadside rest stop...
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| BEFORE |
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| image source AFTER |
Do you like Disneyland? What is your favorite ride?
– I do like The Magic Kingdom. My faves are a tie between It's a Small World and Space Mountain. Conflicting sides of my personality.
Have you ever done an intestinal cleanse program? How long did it last? Did it help?
– I was going to try a kabocha squash and chili flake cleanse but then I found out I am potato-intolerant... instead I'm following a 90-day program, and it's a good thing I'm not trying to run at this time.
Do you have trouble reading sometimes? What is the most egregious reading error you've ever made?
– I know you're wondering why I'm asking you about egrets.
Are you old enough to remember Flavor Flav?
– YEAH BOYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
Do you race for the medals and swag? If not, why do you race?
– Unless I'm winning, I really don't want a medal. I race for the satisfaction of pushing myself and seeing what I can do in that moment.
#htcgiveaway prizes are on their way to the lucky winners.
I think it is funny you are not a #medalwhore I might sorta maybe kinda be one. Actually...I like to feel I get my money's worth from a race. If I do not get a medal then I am a-ok with it...if I feel I had a great race, got my $$$'s worth.
ReplyDelete...I have not been there since 1980. (yeh. I am old) Space Montain was shit that day. I am sad I ahve never been able to mount that ride. oh....one day!!!
I have been having rude RUDE GI issues for a month. Maybe I should try an intestinal cleanse program. Holy crap I know nothing about them tho....worried it migh mean starving. Which might actually do my fat ass some good....
As for Flavour Flav.....i am old enough to remmeber his first brush with fame (pre Brigitte Neilson)...man....I should start lying about my age.
But are you almost the same age as FF? YEAH BOYYYYYYYY
Deleteoh ziiiing. i am soooo much younger (10 yrs i think!)than William Jonathan Drayton, Jr. Thank Christ. Man he so hasnt aged well.
DeleteI'd guess we'd lose more than half the field at these races if there were no medals.
ReplyDeleteWhen we went to DIsneyland Small World was being renovated. So I'll go Space Mountain.
More than half. More than 90%. Small World just looks cleaner. And they threw a couple of characters in to play with the kids.
DeleteIf I get a medal, I want a real one, not a piece of crap.
ReplyDeleteSmall World would be better if they give you a basket of softballs and get points for knocking down the fake midgets. Winner gets (not a) medal.
But then the line would be 80 minutes instead of 5. You'd need a FastPass for fucking Small World. But it would be worth it!
DeleteDisneyland!
ReplyDelete1) Disneyland is amazing. I'm jealous. Indiana Jones ride for life, mixed with splash mountain. and peter pan.
2) Medals mean nothing to me, it's all the same to me...the free shirt, the expo samples. Could take it or leave it. I never wear it past the entrance to my transportation away from the race.
3) #
Coalinga Avenal sounds amazing!! I'm surprised they haven't franchised out to sell whatever it is they sell more often. "Rest" ..
ReplyDeleteI've been to Disney once, I imagine more to come with kids now. I have a weak stomach, so any "real" rides I'm not a fan of. I liked Epcot and teacups lol
I don't race for medals. They feel a little cheesy to me. Like currency, don't they lose value of so many people have them? The awesome photos of me running is all the proof I need.
My spouse doesn't do rides. He pukes, too.
DeleteI'm trying to imagine running while doing an intestinal cleanse and ... well it isn't pretty. I think it's ironic that your comment line is "Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me." But also I have the maturity of an 8 year old boy. I must admit I do like medals. But I only have a few and they are sitting in a box - the idea of displaying them is a little too much for me. That is until someone offers to give me a medal rack for free ;)
ReplyDeleteHOLY SHIT!!!! I smell a DIY giveaway!!!!!!
DeleteI love your blog. It lightens my day... even without a colonic.
ReplyDeleteNever been to Disneyland. I keep meaning to take my kids before they get too old and have to push me around in a wheelchair.
As for medals... I don't mind them. I usually let my kids play with them, pin them up on the wall for a day and then they end up in a box. Racing can be fun, but I enjoy more the peacefulness of running on my own with me dog by my side.
Thank you for your blog... It's great fun to read! :)
haha...I love your sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteI hate Disneyland. Last time I took my kids was 1999. I have pictures so when they whine they didn't go..BAM! Proof.
I did an intestinal cleanse. Hated it! (I'm really not a hateful person) As a nurse I don't understand the reasoning. If you really want to clean stuff out get some "Go lytely" from the DR and you'll be sparkling!
I have no idea what egregious is, I love finishing medals and I'm truly a medal whore and I'm old enough to remember Flavor Flav AND his TV show with Bridget.
ok. so I am curious. I have has such intestinal issues that i am willing to TRY ANYTHING ...if i do the Go LYTELY...do i do that a day or two before a run?? or only when i have several hours to shit on a throne and never go anywhere....curious about timing around a run...
DeleteWOW. Hysterical. My aunt has about 19 Disney medals, I'll have to send her the link to this post. =)
ReplyDeleteI definitely don't race for swag or medals...although I do love some of the swag I have gotten. I race because I want to PR, and to train, and because it is more fun running with tons of people than running alone...and it is easier to have someone hand me water than have to stop. If I was rich, I'd run all of my long runs during a race.
Flavor flav, yes! And I used to think Disney was super weak, but I had never been. Then when I went for the first time at age 30, I loved it, but I felt compelled to hide how much I loved it. But after a few more visits, I was practically trading pins and wearing mouse ears each visit. I am obsessed with all the Toy Story rides.
ReplyDeleteI remember hearing about the Disneyland races and thinking there was no way I'd do those. I knew I would be out of shape and Labor Day weekend is always hot, not my favorite conditions.
ReplyDeleteDid wearing race medals get you a discount in stores or restaurants? Maybe it's like wearing collectors pins?
Fave ride: Star Tours. I'm not even a Star Wars fan, but I've always loved the ride. No line (pre upgrade) + air conditioning + campy ride = fun. It also has the best gift shop attached.
Cleanse: no.
Flavor Flav: yes.
Racing for medals: they're cool right after the race for social media bragging, but after they just go to a box. I've never worn it after showering and changing nor chosen a race because I liked the medal.
Most egregious reading error was in 12th grade. I read organism as orgasm aloud in my AP bio class. I would've remained oblivious if my friends sitting next to me letting me know what I had just done. I was mortified.
Loving your work Milfrunner, as ever. By the way, is it MilfRunner, Milf Runner or Milfrunner? I am never quite sure.....I have been thinking long and hard about the medal question. I have a ton of medals that go in the cupboard and I never touch again. But...I do like to receive a medal it has to be said. I am currently doing about 7 marathons/ultras per year, with a smattering of smaller races, and I harbour no illusions that I am ever going to be on the podium unless everyone else takes a wrong turning or is buried under a landslide. However, when I finish a marathon or ultra I do feel a sense of pride and achievement. The ultra community is such that there is rarely a medal (unless its in the US or UK and then you get a medal, buckle, t shirt and host of other stuff, but the entry fees are commensurate.) Here in France, an ultra is a pleasure in itself, and you're lucky to get a Coke and a piece of stale gingerbread afterwards. I took a different route into races - having been 108kg (about 240lbs) of pure heavy drinking, heavy smoking, heavy eating...just heavy tbh, and therefore being elite was never something that occurred to me. But finishing my first marathon - now that was something special, and I wore that medal for about a week afterwards. I am therefore racing against myself - can I finish a particularly tough trail / mountain race, maybe a pb, beating a mate, or even just running away from my 108kg former self. A medal is a nice souvenir and something to aim for, for the majority of people, who are never going to be on that podium. One man's view.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I have only ever been to Disney in Paris - the weather is almost always as miserable as the staff working there, but I do enjoy it. As long as it is only a 48 hr trip. My favourite bits are the Aerosmith ride and the Princess Restaurant. For the kids. Obviously. I wouldn't rule out doing the Dumbo Challenge or whatever, but I do no think I'd be wearing the medals later in the day. Surely that's a health risk on the roller coasters?