This is not some awesome #freeshit giveaway.
THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT, YOU GUYS.
I've been having a lot of inflammation issues lately, and I was at a loss. I had been feeling GREAT when I dropped all that weight due to eating nothing. All that greatness had me I thinking I might actually be able to start running again in September.
Then I started eating again.
Just regular stuff. Healthful regular stuff.
After a few weeks of eating, I started getting all inflamed. Migraines, muscle tightness that burned and had me hobbling along like the fucking Crooked Man down the crooked lane. Bloated (not just fat, okay). My cycle was getting all whacked. There's more...but I'll spare you.
I'd been through this before several years ago, and it was recommended that I go on a cleanse. And it worked. And in that process I learned that gluten and dairy and eggs and I are not really friends. It has been over a year since I've had any of those three things. WHICH WAS TORTURE. Now I'm used to it.
My previous experience led me to believe food might be the culprit again. But what? Seriously. WHAT? I AM ALREADY WORKING WITH A SEVERELY LIMITED FOOD PALATE, PEOPLE.
I went to my doctor and said, "Doc...help a girl out." I went on to say that based on my near-starvation experience, I was leaning toward some kind of food being the cause since resuming eating appeared to have sparked the inflammation. She agreed and ran some tests.
The results:
Stop eating potato and fish.
All things potato and all things fish.
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| I love my tilapia :( |
And kabocha is on the list...and I never even got to try it.
Mutherfucker.
It's looking like that Dragon Warrior Diet might be happening again.
It's really going to take me a while to process missing out on the kabocha craze.
The giveaway. Right. You people and your constant grubbing for #freeshit... Because it's MY giveaway on MY blog, I'm doing things however the fuck I please. In light of that declaration, Becci wins the TigerTail, so she needs to give me her mailing info. Since she can't stomach Nuun, that goes to someone else. All the shit besides the TigerTail will be divided unequally amongst the first three contestants to email me via the contact page info. And anyone else who entered and emails me will get some other awesome random crap I have lying around. We're moving and I need to clear shit out. Thanks for playing. And remember...there's always next time.
I've had it. You're not missing out. It only tastes good to women with eating disorders.
ReplyDeleteBut she seems to like it SOOO MUCH. Even without a stick of butter. I guess that should've clued me in. I was thinking it might be a miracle cure for those with fucked hips...since she's able to run so much on same. I could use a miracle cure. Maybe a lobotomy would work.
DeleteMy cousin had horrible migraines for years. Several days a week, she literally could not get out of bed. She made drastic changes to her diet and it helped a lot. She's gone completely vegan, mostly raw, nothing processed. It sounds like a huge pain in the ass but you're probably willing to do anything at this point. =(
ReplyDeleteOh and kabochas are overrated.
Glad you didn't try to tell me French fries are overrated because I KNOW THEY AREN'T.
DeleteStopping gluten and dairy and eggs way back when helped then and the no eating thing definitely helped this spring. So I'll try it. If I get emaciated enough maybe the lice and the pinworms will decide I'm not a healthy host and leave me alone.
You didn't give us rainbow questions. I don't have any prompts to respond to!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBut really, whatever kabocha is (is that the same thing as kambucha?), you're not missing out. It sounds terrible. I don't know how to make you feel better about all this, though. That really blows. It kind of sounds like you're allergic to nice things. At least you're still a MILF.
I was too despondent over the whole "no kobucha" thing and too distracted by the fact that my whole fucking family has pinworms and lice to even consider the rainbow questions. #BIGTIMEBLOGGYFAILURE But email me if you want junk I have no use for :)
DeleteI don't even know what to recommend... popcorn? Mead? Ethiopian food?
ReplyDeleteDew and ...uhhhh...universe juice. That's what I'm thinking anyway.
Deletefark. that blows. I just recently tried that Kombucha drink. it was good times. And i am neither skinny or fucking wierd. Wait. Maybe a tad wierd. this is bullshit that you are allergic to everything. frig. maybe you need to check out some amazeball vegan cookbooks (How It All Vegan!?) Wait can you eat any meat??
ReplyDeleteI'm good with meat...just no fish. Only prob...red meat gives me a headache :(
Deleteput some pork on your fork? Then they tried this slogan...pork the one you love. tee hee. i kid you not. maybe i will tweet you a pick of the advert. haha
Deleteduck?
ok I am also retarded. you are talking about kombocha squash. I am talking about Kombucha that whacky effervescent fermented sweetened tea ....maybe being from Canada (or spending all GD day applying to jobs) has made a a bit slower than normal....
ReplyDeleteLOL. I had kombucha and bacon for breakfast yesterday. #hearthealthy #notforbiddenfoods
Deletei like that kombucha ness. and with bacon? well hot diggity gawddamn. im hungry. and thirsty now.
DeleteSHIT! no potatoes? Does that mean no vodka too? whoa....
ReplyDeleteO GOD. Why did I not realize THIS? Thanks for the really depressing reminder. No, really...thanks.
Deletesorry about the vodka crack. but maybe the distillation will make a diff. most are made with wheat anyways....its the good polish shizz that has potatoes. Also can you drink gin? try HENDRICKS. it is amazeballs. www.hendricksgin.com
DeleteI think I'm going to stay healthy and keep eating everything, now I have no clue as to what "Kabocha" is, so let me open another tap and ask Mr Google!!! oh...
ReplyDeleteI have no choclate under my desk at work, I'll have to make a plan come lunch!!!
As long as kombucha is still in the picture, I think you'll live.
ReplyDeletePotatoes and fish? Weird! Hope it helps your symptoms.
ReplyDeletesorry to hear this! how does one determine their food sensitivities? what type of doctor? what type of test? etc... I've had blood work and an endoscopy and a colonoscopy, all of which were clear... need to figure out where to find a food sensitivity specialist i guess?
ReplyDeleteThere are a number of types of testings. IgG and Carroll testing are among them. Many physicians don't "believe" in them and feel that "alternative practitioners" are milking their patients or misleading their patients by using these types of testing. The changes I've made based on the results obtained from MY testings have resulted in improvements in how I feel and how my body works. Anecdotal evidence at its finest :) I see a naturopath in addition to a number of other "alternative" and non-alternative (?) practitioners.
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