OMFG!!! WTF??? IT'S SO FUCKING HOT!!!
–quote from Twitter
It must be global warming.
Oh, wait...
No.
It's just SUMMER.
I call bullshit on summer.
Because I waste way too much time on social media, I got confused. It's not hot where I live. I decided this past weekend that we would go to the beach because I got totally hyped by all the internet buzz about it being hot. Boy, am I dumb.
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| It's out there somewhere...the glorious Pacific Ocean. I'M NOT KIDDING, PEOPLE. IT IS THERE. |
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| We had to use our beach umbrellas to create a windbreak. |
We were wearing sweatshirts and jeans and were still freezing until the sun finally broke through the fog around 2. We spent a couple of hours talking about going in the water (which is around 60ºF). I finally made a dash for it–
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| HOLY FUCK THAT'S COLD! This is me trying to sprint on top of the water so as not to touch it with any of my bare skin. |
I lasted about 10 minutes, most of which was spent clutching my 11-year old daughter to my body in an attempt to combine body heats (bodies' heat?) for survival.
Then I ate watermelon. And it made me colder.
And then I got warm and fuzzy from the inside out because –
#BLOGGYMEETUPSQUEEEEEE!!!!
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| Too fucking cold for froyo, but I did get a photo this time :) TWO #GoodBlogger POINTS! |
Meg from Run.Fit.Kin. joined our family for the afternoon. But if you follow me on Instagram or Twitter you already knew all of the above, so this whole post was a colossal (30 second) waste of your time.
Actually...
It was a 30-second waste of your time anyway.
Unless you came here for the gratuitous bathing suit photo in which case it was still a waste. But if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you got to see the gratuitous bikini pic which was not a waste and the #bareass photo that summoned the omnipresent internet porn fiends.
COMING SOON: I'll have a really overplayed-yet-strangely-desirable item for giveaway, and it will tie in with a mystery/exposé post on a topic no one really gives a shit about with a game attached...because everyone loves #freeshit and goes apeshit for a good overshare with riddles.
Actually...
It was a 30-second waste of your time anyway.
Unless you came here for the gratuitous bathing suit photo in which case it was still a waste. But if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you got to see the gratuitous bikini pic which was not a waste and the #bareass photo that summoned the omnipresent internet porn fiends.
COMING SOON: I'll have a really overplayed-yet-strangely-desirable item for giveaway, and it will tie in with a mystery/exposé post on a topic no one really gives a shit about with a game attached...because everyone loves #freeshit and goes apeshit for a good overshare with riddles.
Do you see what I did there?
- I worked links to all my social media into the post.
- I linked back to previous posts.
- I linked in a fellow blogger.
- I documented a #bloggymeetup.
- I shared a photo of myself in a swimsuit.
Remember these #PROBloggerTips for your next post. You're welcome :)
Do you ever click the worked-in links in blog posts?
Are you skeeved, turned on or "other" by porn?
Do you enjoy swimming in freezing cold water?
Are you a beach person or a mountain person?
What is your favorite joke or riddle?
If you went to the beach and it was freezing, would you just go home or would you stay and go swimming and drink beers and freeze your ass off?**note the rainbow questions again! stop ignoring them.**
YOu totally missed the boat on adding in your tips for summer running.
ReplyDeleteThat's not what THIS post is about. I brought in my mommyness here to expand appeal TWO POINTS! Even though I barely mention my kids and show no photos of them because I'm completely self-absorbed.
DeleteI like your second question because it fits in so well with a hot summer day at the beach. But I'm a guy so skeeved by porn does not register for me.
ReplyDeleteI would totally stay at the beach freezing my ass off. Going home is like admitting defeat.
Did you know Russians and Ukrainians are really into MILF porn? My stats indicate this trend very clearly. I'm sure they're disappointed when they get here.
DeleteI don't believe I know Meg. Thank heavens you linked to her. You need to come East for the heat I guess, although we're finally cool here for now...
ReplyDeleteI served a 12-year East Coast Summer sentence. The trauma can never be healed.
DeleteI'm a mountain person. But if I were a beach person I'd be a cold beach person.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes it's effin' hot here. I spend a lot of time whining about the lack of air conditioning in my life. :^)
You're so cute with your "effin'" :) But you're not fooling anyone. We KNOW what you mean.
DeleteI would love to click on the links, but social media and work just don't go, so the sights are blocked...
ReplyDeletePorn of a real live MILF Runner, that would really turn me on...
I can't say I enjoy swimming in cold water, but I do it and I swim year round at home, and it's not very warm at the moment!
The mountains are mine!!!!
I'm a bit of a joke...
stay and drink beer.... but we aren't aloud to drink beer on the beach.
Is there a guy on this planet that isn't into porn?
DeleteHow does a MILF runner #bloggymeetupsqueeeeee even happen? Like, do you wear a sign or something? If I'm ever wherever the hell that is (Bay Area?), I may just try a MILF cry to see if it summons you.
ReplyDeleteI make a point of NOT clicking links in posts, unless you lie and pretend it's a link to something incredible.
"Other."
NO.
Mountain.
What's black and white and re(a)d all over? Fuck, I dunno-that's the only riddle I can think of. It's by far the worst ever.
Drink beers, but I'd be sane and put clothes on. Definitely no swimming.
Bay Area, yes. You don't need to cry. I have an email address. Use it.
DeleteWhat's black and white and red all over and can't go through a revolving door?
A nun with a javelin through her head.
Also, your blog is going to become my "fuck" dumping ground because, god dammit, I gave into pressure and (mostly) stopped cussing on my own blog. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteFuck dump away. Happy to provide the venue ;-)
DeleteI'm the type of person that needs to have the questions in front of me to answer, so here goes:
ReplyDeleteDo you ever click the worked-in links in blog posts? All the time, because I'm a tool.
Are you skeeved, turned on or "other" by porn? Porn doesn't bother me, some of it is disgusting, I guess it depends on genre.
Do you enjoy swimming in freezing cold water? Nope, not at all. I wasn't going anywhere near that water. The water in LA wasn't too bad this weekend, and I still only got my feet wet.
Are you a beach person or a mountain person? More mountains than beach, mainly because that's where my husband wants to go and I really like hiking, I like the beach as well, but it's kind of just laying there getting sun burnt.
What is your favorite joke or riddle? Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, "Pass the soap." The second one says, "No soap, radio!"
If you went to the beach and it was freezing, would you just go home or would you stay and go swimming and drink beers and freeze your ass off? I stayed. It was fun!
Additionally, HTC start time is 6pm. boooooo.