I have the best giveaways. This time it isn't used.

First of all, I gave away some Thorlo Experia socks a while ago, and for some reason I still have a pair sitting here waiting to be sent to someone. Who in the hell did not get their socks???? And why in the hell didn't you say something???? Life is too short to not be a squeaky wheel, people. Claim your fucking socks! It's the yellow pair. I'm too lazy to figure out who won them but not too lazy to go and link back to the sock giveaway post. More pageviews. It's all about the numbers, folks. Good Blogger Lesson for the Day.

Now I'm breaking all the rules and showing you what you can win before I bore you to tears with my sock review.

Yes.

Gin-you-wine ProCompression socks in purple that have not been worn. And an inspirational training DVD. Still shrink-wrapped and never viewed. Way better than Jillian Michaels. Look at those abs. Look at those pecs. Look at how fucking excited he is! And he isn't the only one. ALL of the guys in this movie are ripped and yelling with enthusiasm. They must be doing something right. Notice that I'm focusing on the DVD? That's because I think it's the better part of the giveaway.

Win it all by leaving a comment. 

Now on to the review portion of our program: 

First up: CEP

MILF Runner's Top Choice for Compression

I just need a pair of Birkenstocks or Tevas 

to look like a most excellent American tourist.

*An outstanding feature of these socks is they help me tell right from left –

assuming I put them on the correct feet.

*A pain in the ass feature of these socks is that you have to put the R sock 

on your right foot and the L sock on your left. These socks are really

compression-y so if you fuck up it is really NOT fun to switch them.

*Another downside: the bottoms of these socks are lint magnets. They 

attract everything that isn't attached to something – hair, lint, string, 

dirty laundry that's been left on the floor...

Look! I did it correctly!

 Second Up: Swiftwick Fold-overs

MILF Runner's Top Pick for Fashion While Also Providing

Awesome Compression

I like that white makes my calves look like they exist–black is too slimming.

And the fold-over adds a little bulk and horizontal striping 

to accentuate the false plumpness of my calves–

in addition to providing extra compression.

Not only do I prefer these for racing, but I think I've figured out my Halloween costume –

I'll be able to trick-or-treat in comfort.

Last Up: ProCompression

And the reason why I'm giving these away

Fun colors.

But Target has colorful knee socks for five bucks.

Not impressed with the compression.

That might have something to do with the fact that I have the 

scrawniest calves on the planet.

But they are very comfortable with my new boots.

Yes. That is a Lightning McQueen Croc. 

So fucking rad.

You know you want some.

The Crocs are not up for grabs.

I'm offering the brand-new, I-paid-for-them-by-myself ProCompression S/M purple socks and inspirational workout DVD in this giveaway.

Enter to win by leaving a comment. My mind-reading skills are awesome but not 100% reliable.

Additional entries can be earned by liking my Facebook page and/or following me on Twitter.

Act fast because this shit ends Friday night at 11:59 pick a time zone...because let's face it, does it really matter?

FREE SHIT. Everyone wants some.