February 20, 2013


*Where we continue with the blogging lessons, honing our skills by perfecting the guidelines as set forth in the book, Official Rules for the Healthy-Living Running Mommy Blogger

I'm getting back on the "good blogger" train after a brief diversion into the land of national team training schedules and mocking bloggy running coaches. At least I got my shopping cart running VLOG in. That should redeem me in the Land of the #FITSPIRATIONAL. I still haven't figured out why the video hasn't gone viral? The five people who realized it was THE BEST PART OF THE FUCKING POST and actually watched it loved it. Smart people.

*insert links to previous posts to increase pageviews and perceived popularity*

So here I'm giving you Triple Tangent Tuesday :) Not sure why in the hell I forgot last week. Wait. I remember now, but I can't tell you. It's a secret.

1. MORE OATMEAL!!!!  But this time it came out the way I imagined – creamy and gloppy. Appetizing – and not stringy like cervical mucus. I think it was the lack of flaxseed meal. But I ran into a huge problem. I couldn't find the stevia! Somebody stole my mutherfucking stevia! Can you believe it? So I looked in all the cupboards and everywhere


My husband, who is usually awesome at soothing the savage beast, said calmly, "Oh, it got used up yesterday. Just use the agave nectar."

AGAVE NECTAR???? Is he fucking KIDDING ME???? Agave nectar is one of the five worst choices when it comes to sweeteners, second only to Aspartame. It is not a natural sweetener; it is highly processed, concentrated fructose. Read more about it here.

*link informative articles and other blogs that are more informative than this one*

So – shit. My awesomely healthful oatmeal breakfast that was supposed to be sweetened with kick-ass stevia needed a couple spoonfuls of brown sugar and globs of butter to make it delicious. 

*oatmeal pic – extra bloggy points, please*

2. I WENT FOR ANOTHER WALK ON A TRAIL. Same deal. Still not supposed to run. Bleh. It was gorgeous out. Perfect running weather. To make sure I didn't run, not only did I not wear a sports bra but I wore flip flops and cut-offs. No running guaranteed.

Trail with pretty winter trees and bushes.

Shorts and flip flops in fucking February.
Climate SCORE.

*looking down shoe shot (flip flops count)*

*ASS SHOT!!!!*

3. MILF RUNNER SCORED ANOTHER BLOGGY MEET-UP!!!!! I like meeting people! I've been cooped up with a whole mess of kids for far too long! A blogger I admire and follow works nearby. A quick message suggesting a meet-up was well-received. While we did totally botch the bloggy meet-up etiquette by #failing to get froyo and photos, we vowed to do so soon. Pinky promise (that's a good blogger thing to say, right?).

*CARDINAL RULE: photos and froyo at all bloggy meet-ups!*

Let's see my score –
  • using a meme:  +1  
  • links to previous posts:    +4
  • links to informative shit:  +2
  • food pic + extra credit for oatmeal: 1+1= +2
  • trail pic:  +1
  • shoe shot looking down from waist:  +1
  • ASS SHOT:  +10
  • bloggy meet-up:  +1
  • link to another blogger:  +1
  • no photos of bloggy meet-up: -1  (no pics mean it didn't happen)
  • no froyo:   -10
  • use of term "pinky promise":  +50
  • exclamation points quota filled: +1
  • engagement-fostering questions at the end + extra credit for multi-colored: +2
Final tally =  +65

What would be YOUR score on your most recent post? If you need help calculating it, link the post in the comments and I'll pitch in :)

If you lived near me, would you be interested in a bloggy meet-up? Where do you live? What's your address? Can I see your house on GoogleMaps? What's your phone number?

Are you a rule-follower or one who tends to break all the rules?


  1. You have scored well... I on the other hand am not a blogger, but I write stories about my running, so I score badly.

    I'm still thinking about you walking down the trail without a bra on... and all I can say is "MILF"

  2. Replies
    1. We learn nore about what you look like every day...

      And every read make me smile, so keep at the keyboard!

  3. What's your major malfunction that's keeping you from running? Or is that top secret too? I would get Fro-yo with you and we could even OMGVLOG about it, but you definitely don't live near me with that climate shot, yo.

    1. Yeah, not ready to talk about my boo-boo. It was finally diagnosed after years and years of chronic misery and it's beyond fucked up. But I am a resourceful and resilient problem-solver, so I am fairly optimistic that something can be figured out. Oh, shit – I just realized – it might be as simple as MORE FROYO.

  4. I don't know if you saw my most recent waist-down shot of my feet, but we definitely are not living in the same climate. SAD! I want a froyo filled bloggy meet-up, but all yall seem to be flaunting your perfect so-cal weather from the left side of the country. I'm going to include an ass shot in an upcoming post so I can score more blog points. Yes!

    1. Not SoCal but an even BETTER place ;-) I hope the ass shot is clad in about 17 layers of winter gear!

  5. if I can even remember to take a phone picture of a major life event, I'm lucky. So I think I'd score huge negative points. But then, I also think oatmeal is disgusting (Ah! Going to blog hell!).

    1. But you have pics of BOOTS! And you went to PARIS! And blogged about going to Paris. Do you like nut butter or chia? That could make up for your hatred of oatmeal. Could. Not definite. Thanks for stopping by :)

  6. Hmm.. I don't have oatmeal in my latest post, but I do have a picture of me about to drink a beer. That stands for something, doesn't it?

    1. Only if it's a artisan-crafted, micro-brewed IPA or some such shit. If it's a Bud – negative 5000 pts! However, bonus points for PBR. But that last part is my own addendum to the rules.

  7. My score would be something in the range of 2, mostly because I take exclamations overboard sometimes. My husband would say that is me "talking to you via the internet" because I talk so effing loud. Hilarious coming from him, since he's louder.

    I'll take note on the ass shots though. Nice pic though, so good for you to show it off. I can't, as mine is presently expanding.

    Thanks for the ever-hysterical posts.


Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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