February 19, 2013

Mailbag Monday #7

This week we have two legit questions...


MILF Runner,
Here's a mailbag Monday question, why are running blogger "coaching services" SO expensive?? More expensive than professional running coaches with years of experience and success... Is there something I'm missing? Do they know more than the pros???? Do they have magical powers?! I'm not sure I understand the price premium... Since you are the healthy living/running blogger expert, please explain this to me. 


–(Posting as anonymous b/c it seems to be an unforgivable, attack worthy sin to question their credentials.) 


Dear Anon,


Obviously, you are not aware of how fucking #FITSPIRATIONAL most of these running bloggers are or you wouldn't be asking this question. These people have trained for HOURS to be the best they can be. They've put in the miles while pushing heavy strollers, and they've read the coaching handouts. They've PRed in races and attended seminars. THEY'VE EVEN TAKEN A FUCKING TEST! When was the last time any of us took a goddamned test? The stress alone is worth charging the big bucks. Most of the pros just have hands-on experience instead of an official piece of paper indicating that they went through the god-awful ordeal of taking a test.

What's more, bloggy coaches tend to be RELATABLE and can RELATE. They are fresh off that sub 2 or sub 4 and KNOW what it feels like to hunger for it. It's so fresh in their minds that they remember exactly how it felt. Or they are still hungering for it and so can REALLY relate to what you are wanting to accomplish and the fervor that accompanies the undertaking. Pros are so far removed from the experience, really, what do they know? They are totally out of touch with the reality of the situation.

Or maybe they charge a lot because they have so few clients they need to recoup their coaching lessons expenditure somehow and pay for their sparkly skirts?

I'm so fucking glad I don't care. I can get by with a good training book, an online schedule and common sense. I think it's that third part that is so elusive to most.

Do you need a coach? I would be an excellent coach. And I would be FREE. To the first five interested parties. After that, it's going to cost you.

Sincerely,

MILF Runner



MILF Runner,


TOENAILS. Let's talk about my franken-feet for a moment, can we? I now have fewer legit toenails than I do remnants of where toenails would look really nice. I relish the thought of going in for a pedicure, but I'm pretty sure they would not be willing to offer me a half off discount for the remaining toenails that need some serious help. {focus, sheesh!} Ok, so my big toe has (mostly) grown back. But it's no longer sits flush against my nail bed. At all. Short of sending you a picture... have you seen a toenail that looks lifted because it has a blister under it? Or a nail that you can lift off the nail bed a good 80% without completely pulling it off? Yeah, that's kinda how my toenail is, but it's neither blistered nor about to fall off. I think it may have blistered in the past, but then a callous just grew under the nail instead of the nail falling off. Are you with me? it's a bit problematic because A. It's freakin' ugly & B. when the sides grow out, they grow inward so I have ingrown nail issues. Crap, what exactly is my question... I guess, how do I "help" it grow back into a regular nail?



Signed,

Melissa



Dear Melissa,

Honestly, I haven't a clue. Maybe your shoes are too small? Or maybe your feet feel the disdain you express for them? Perhaps they don't like being referred to as "franken-feet"? Baby your feet. Show them some love. That might help. But it also might not.

Sincerely,

MILF Runner



13 comments:

  1. I am one of those Pro coaches and the university pays me big buck to beat (maybe that isn't the right word) the kids into shape... Now I do coach a couple of other guys (and ladies) but I don't charge, but I do say if you win big remember me and other than that, buy me beer...

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  2. Oh and the lady and the Toe Nails, she could just paint them and they would look fine...

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    Replies
    1. This does not sound logical. They will still look gnarly. Just painted.

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  3. I've read books (even though many have pictures), taken classes, and even passed tests THE FIRST TIME I TOOK THEM!. I've been hired to coach in the past but do not now. I realized my time is so valuable that I would never get that time back no matter how much I charged so don't coach actively.

    On one hand it could be viewed as free on the other you get what you pay for.

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    Replies
    1. You probably put too much thought into it. I'll bet if you got yourself a sparkly skirt, you could double your fee and put in less effort. That might make it worth doing again.

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  4. hilarious. i subscribe to the "free" training most of all. mostly because i'm poor, but also because i like to be the boss of me. that being said, i'd LOVE to boss people around. i should start charging people to let me boss them.

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    Replies
    1. I'm totally bossy, too. That's why I offered my services for free. More people to boss around. Why do you think I had so many kids? I just wish they'd listen to me!

      Delete
  5. ive never run with a stroller or read a book ever but i like to be bossy so im thinking coaching is most definitely in my future.

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    Replies
    1. yeah, but you read trashmags so you're up on current important events so combined with your alleged bossiness, I'd say you'd be an excellent candidate. Except – it's probably been a million years since you ran a half in close to 2 hours or a full in near 4 hours. Your advanced running skills put you squarely in the "UNRELATABLE" and "UNABLE TO RELATE" category. Nonetheless, you do frequently run in costume...

      How many sparkly skirts do you have? You'll need at least one to command exorbitant coaching fees.

      Delete
  6. HA! As someone who JUST TOOK the RRCA course, I'm happy to laugh at myself. Rest assured, I will demand high dollar for my services. I may need to borrow your sparkly skirt though, cuz I'm still without one. I need to make sure that I'm super relatable, after running two sub 4s in the last year, the only two marathons I've finished, I'm basically a pro right? Got to tone that shit down!

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    Replies
    1. I see you more as a turquoise. Mine is purple.

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  7. you forgot to mention that runner blogger coaches "BELIEVE". If you BELIEVE it will happen. BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE!!! Do runner bloggers cost a lot of money? I know one IRL and that person told me "one of my runners is on his fifth marathon and I don't know what plan to write for him". I don't know how much she charges tho. hugs!

    ReplyDelete

Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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