February 2, 2013

Friday Five: things about me that seem to piss people off...

Some I could easily change – but I won't.

1. I set the lap chime on my Garmin to go off every quarter of a mile. When I use The Device, I like to know my splits. I like to know lots of splits. Even on long runs. And races.

*bee-beep*

"OMG! was that a mile already?"
"Uh, no. Sorry. Just a quarter."
"Mutherfucker! Get away from me with your irritating beep shit!"

Yeah, I run alone a lot.

2. In races I'll home in on someone ahead of me running my pace and use them as my unwitting pacer. Yes, a lot of people do that buttttttttttt –

Most people don't go up to the unofficial pacer at a water stop late in the race and say,

"GREAT PACE! I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THAT I'M TOTALLY SUCKING OFF YOU!"

I'm not intending to sound like an asshole. In fact, I really am infinitely appreciative and would love to reciprocate a few minutes later when I blow past them. In fact, I usually voice this desire,

"C'mon!" I'll wheeze. "Let's go! We've got this! You got us this far – I'll take us in! Let's go, NOW!"

Yeah, the look of bewilderment on the pacer's face could almost be mistaken for fury.

3. If it's hot out, I might run in just my sports bra. And I'll be comfortable with it even if you're not. Shit. I might even run in just a sports bra when it's cold out.

4. I don't think you're cool if you run when you're hurting, and I don't think you're a badass if you run when you're sick. This is not to be confused with making a workout hurt or running until you puke, which are cool and badass.

5. I can go for a run pretty much whenever I want. As long as it's during the tiny window of time when my kids are all somehow being cared for by someone other than me. I'm a stay-at-home-mom blogger. It's such a cush fucking life. I'm sure all the other stay-at-home-mom bloggers will agree with that. The next time you see a woman out running at 9 or 10 or 11 in the morning and decide to hate her because you're jealous (or whatever), try to understand that you are seeing a 5-second snapshot of her life. You aren't seeing that she was awakened at 5:30 by a toddler screaming about nothing and then wanting to be in mommy's bed where she unintentionally kicked mommy for an hour until it was "time to get up." And you aren't watching her make 5 breakfasts and lunches and make sure that clothes are on and teeth are brushed and homework put into backpacks that make it into the car. And you aren't seeing her trying to take a shit by herself while her 3-year old pounds on the bathroom door so hard she swears it will break right out of its hinges as she realizes that she is way too tense now to take that shit and since this happens every fucking day she has a chronic constipation problem. You're not in the minivan with her as she deals with SCREAMING and BICKERING all the fucking way to school in heavy rush hour traffic where she finally unloads this enviable mess that creates the situation that allows her to run at a hate-able time of day.

The next time you see someone out running at a glorious and leisurely-seeming time of day, smile and be glad for them that they were able to get a run in.

The story is always, always, always bigger than that 5-second snapshot.




12 comments:

  1. You need to find some less uptight friends.

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    Replies
    1. I totally agree. Almost 100 people have read this and you are the FIRST to comment. LIGHTEN UP, PEOPLE!!!!!

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  2. i'm to the point now where i'll run in a sports bra outside or even at the flipping gym if it's a hot box in there. i get jealous of the guys who can go full on skin suit when it's 110+ out here during the summers!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm channeling "guy" – you know, completely delusional (or just really uncaring or unaware) of how I really look? LOL

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  3. I haven't run with a shirt on in the last 25 years, but then Cape Town only have a little rain in winter... Oh I do wear a top when racing.

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    Replies
    1. I wear a shirt only when I'm running. So that means I roll shirtless the rest of the time, including races.

      Checkmate.

      Delete
  4. awww...your #5 made me miss being a hands on Mom. my little angel has been out of the house for 14 years and your post made me miss him. I would *try* to hide out in the bathroom and he would pass me notes under the door. Of course - he would die of embarrassment if I mentioned that to him and his friends...hee...hee...hee...

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  5. I totally used to wonder how the hell these people my age could be out running at those "leisurely hours," but then my friend started training for a race, and I saw that it was anything but leisurely. She liked the run but hated trying to figure out how to wedge it between sick kids, poopy pants, cooking dinner, picking up children from school -- and so on. Now I get it and am one of those weirdos that gives runners a cheerful thumbs-up when I drive past them.

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  6. Rock your sports bra. At the park I frequent, I saw the same chic on two different occasions running in her shiny, bright red, string bikini. Granted, she was a stick....and she had no boobs....and it was 100+ degrees out; but, this isn't what I'd consider normal running gear. About 4 years ago, my former everyday running partner converted to wearing a speedo on all runs. He's almost as old as my parents, and he'd rock this speedo only outfit even in 45 degrees. Me, I'm more conservative. But who am I to judge?? If you are running, I'm happy.

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    Replies
    1. It would be so entertaining to run in your neighborhood!

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  7. The fitness bra was very well constructed but definitely check the sizing. I'm a 36B and the large is extremely tight. I plan to order just my size 1111

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Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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