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January 11, 2013

So where's all my free shit?


Before I started blogging, I read lots of blogs. All of those bloggers were always talking about swag and sponsors and sponsored giveaways. One of the main reasons I started this damn thing was the seeming promise of tons of free shit.

I've been writing this blog for a whole fucking week now. A WHOLE WEEK. And no free shit.

I want some fucking compression socks. I don't give a shit who makes them – is there really a difference? I'll say whatever you want.  I just don't want to pay.

Headphones. I want those ones you screw into your earholes. Those ones all the cool bloggers got for free for the San Francisco Marathon. Why can I not remember what the fuck they were called? Yurbuds!!! That's it!

Doesn't Subway give free shit to bloggers? Give me a sandwich. And POPCHIPS! Don't forget my free fucking Popchips.

Oh, and I need a medal hanger because that shoebox of medals under my bed is getting pretty durn full. I'll bet that medal hanger comes in a bigger box than the one I'm using right now.

I know everyone and her sister got one of those Handful bras. Everyone and her sister with little boobs, that is. I'll definitely be passing on that item.

I'm not sure how I feel about the Sleep Number beds – not sure what I'll do when they finally realize they want to give me one for free. I know they get great reviews for sleeping, but what about other stuff? It's an inflatable bed, right? How active a lifestyle can it handle before popping?

Oh, shit, I almost forgot –

Where in the fuck is MY GOTEIN?????



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19 comments:

  1. Rachel B @ Busy Mama FitnessJanuary 11, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    LOL!!! I think it took about a month for me before I started getting emails from companies asking me if I want their free sunglasses? If they weren't God awful, I may have taken the bait. Keep on postin', it'll come!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 11, 2013 at 12:34 PM

      Honestly, the last fucking thing I want is free Popchips and Gotein because I'm sure they'd expect me to ingest that shit. Now if someone wanted to throw a pair of Newtons or a Garmin my way – or remodel my kitchen – and I'd definitely whore myself out for free babysitting or a house-cleaning service.

      Delete
  2. MeganJanuary 11, 2013 at 12:42 PM

    Man, I've been blogging for years and I don't think I've gotten anything for free. Unless you count lower self esteem. But, I've actually really worked hard for that, so maybe it was just at a discount.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 11, 2013 at 1:06 PM

      If I score some free shit, I could probably share.

      Delete
  3. TeamarciaJanuary 11, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    Hahahaha! I think I blogged 6 months before I even got a comment! The free shit will come just hang tight. In the meantime I can only offer you mouse turds....oh and Balega socks. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 11, 2013 at 3:29 PM

      Balega socks!? Are they made from Balega whales? Oh, that would be Beluga. My bad.

      Delete
  4. Patrick MahoneyJanuary 11, 2013 at 1:48 PM

    My understanding is that if you join Fitfuential, you'll get some stuff because they are, like, the king of free shit aggregating. So you should give it a shot.

    The downside? Be prepared to be put on the Consumer Reports Blog Terrorist Watchlist. Because free shit in the hands of most bloggers is a license to ignore every tenant of responsible journalism by way of poorly written, biased product reviews.

    Even if your writing deserves a Pulitzer prize you'll still make the list by guilt through association. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying that this is the way it is.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 12, 2013 at 1:22 AM

      Just checked out your blog. Enjoyed the statement on FitFluential. Made me laugh. Thanks for the heads up.

      Delete
  5. misszippyJanuary 11, 2013 at 2:19 PM

    You are WAY overdue, to be sure! And trust me, you reach a point where you actually turn stuff down.

    Don't let Patrick scare you about FF--I've had a great experience with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 12, 2013 at 1:23 AM

      I'm glad you agree! A week is too fucking long to wait.

      Delete
  6. EdJanuary 11, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    What you didn't get the free shit memo? Bummer....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 12, 2013 at 1:24 AM

      I filed it with the TPS reports. Along with my flair. I didn't realize what it was. FUCK.

      Delete
  7. Running GingerJanuary 11, 2013 at 10:03 PM

    Yeah, I'm a hair color minority and I don't even get free stuff. I kind of just do this for the fun of it, but if anyone is listening, I wouldn't mind writing a review on a free GPS watch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MILF RunnerJanuary 12, 2013 at 1:25 AM

      When the free-shit guys offer me one, I'll demand two and see that one makes it your way.

      Delete
  8. coach dionJanuary 12, 2013 at 3:23 PM

    I've been blogging for years, and never got anything free... But than I can't write to save my life!!! If I want free stuff I have to run very hard and kick butt,, and what would be the butt of people with running talent and 20 years younger...

    ReplyDelete
  9. AbbyJanuary 13, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    Ha. Hilarious. I am pretty sure for my first few months only my mom read my blog.
    Thanks mom.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJanuary 14, 2013 at 9:54 AM

    Wha? Here's your free hot dish glossary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hotdish

    ReplyDelete
  11. MILF RunnerJanuary 14, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    Hot dish - MMMMMMMMM, GOOD.

    ReplyDelete
  12. BrookeJanuary 14, 2013 at 4:36 PM

    You start all "where's my free shit", then a year in you're like, "stop giving me all this free shit because I don't need 100 different kinds of facial moisturizers". Tomoson.com is good for finding some freebies early on though.

    ReplyDelete

Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.