January 9, 2013

My Goals for 2013

As I was using my awesome new grinding stones to make some fresh almond butter yesterday, not only was I struck by how awesome these stones are:


But also by how happy I am that our household is now growing our own almonds and how happy I am that we, as a family, have resolved to be more in sync with nature and our bodies and other paleo shit, like rocks. And then this thought of that resolution triggered another thought – probably because I was wearing my sparkly skirt:

HOLY SHIT! I HAVEN'T SHARED MY RUNNING/FITNESS/HEALTH GOALS FOR 2013 WITH MY NEW BLOGGY BFFS!

With no further lead-in, here are a half-dozen of my goals:
  • Do a whole Ironman triathlon at the end of the year. I used to love going to the beach when I was a kid so the open water swim should be a piece of cake. I still like riding my bike a lot. Sort of. And I know how to run. It just seems like a no-brainer to put the three together – I may need to change the title of this blog to "Tri MILF"!
  • Run enough marathons closely enough together to become a Marathon Maniac. That would just be soooooo cool! After completing the Couch to 5K program last fall, I feel ready to go for the Big One. And if I'm going to train for one, I might as well cram in as many as I can so I'm not wasting miles. Furthermore, I can use all of those marathons as part of my Ironman training! Win-win! 
I took this picture myself tonight. 
If you borrow it and don't credit me I just might sue your ass.
  • Alternate minimal/maximal by running barefoot one day and running in Hokas the next because I heard some top trainers say that confusion makes you better.
  • Go food-free for a month. I need to clean out my system. Going without food for a month will be like hitting a giant "reset" button and really clean me out of all toxins and intolerable shit like gluten, dairy, eggs, sugar, caffeine, etc. I'm going to try the Dragon Warrior Diet – the dew of a single ginkgo leaf and the energy of the universe. I think Oprah tried this one.
I do have other goals, like don't swear so much, be nicer, learn basic auto repair, become fluent in Aramaic – just the usual shit. 

Did you set goals for 2013? Don't tell me what they are because I don't really care.

*Update: Fuck the Ironman thing. You have to wear a fucking helmet for the bike part – even if you're over 18! And each stage has a cut-off time! WTF??? Such bullshit. Besides, my sparkly skirt would probably get all bunchy inside the wetsuit. I'm not doing it.

**New update: I just realized that my therapist would flip out if I told her I was doing anything "maniacal," so in the interest of living a balanced, healthy and functional life, I'll be passing on #2.

***Final update: I meant no disrespect toward the former Governor of Alaska, but the bitch is going down. Maybe. 

16 comments:

  1. If I knew I could do P90X with a pair of Hokas and my bare feet, I never would have bought the huge-ass tractor tire that's in my back yard nor the kettle balls that I use to keep the door to my pain cave open whilst on my trainer. But then again, I refuse to run barefoot.

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    1. You could do P90X with one bare foot and one Hoka and then you would be so fucking confused you would almost immediately become unstoppable. It would be like a performance enhancing drug – but legal.

      Delete
  2. OK so I was reading a blog and saw your comment, and yes your name "MILF Runner" caught my eye...

    Now after reading all your posts I am still wanting to know if you are a MILF...

    I guess I'm going to have to follow you for a bit till I know!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wouldn't it be too fucking funny if I turned out to be a GUY?

      I'm not a guy, so don't worry about that.

      Give me an example of a known MILF or a couple of known MILFs and I might let you know how I stack up.

      Delete
    2. I have the same concerns as the coach, actually.

      Delete
  3. I am currently getting my feet and calves used to my Fivefingers, so I feel your pain. I generally don't run in them for consecutive days, so I think you have the right idea. In the end, I am not sure whether or not I will run exclusively in barefoot shoes, or simply use them as a training tool. I will know more in a few months! I love your goals! I just started running a year go, but I also plan on working my way up to a full ironman eventually, but there is no way I get there this year. I will, however, be a marathoner after May, so I am still on my own schedule. Good luck!

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  4. LOL!!!!! sorry I have yet to visit - I think we are in different time zones or perhaps you're a night owl ;) as I always get your comments when I'm asleep :) haha!

    Not today though. I love the name of your blog. Being a MILF was one of my postpartum goals ;)

    I don't think I've ever seen anyone type the word fuck as much as I say it in real life ;) haha

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I had a feeling you might be a trashy wench.

      Do you have a sparkly skirt yet? If you want to be a MILF you GOTTA have the sparkle.

      Delete
  5. If you start jogging with a Target stroller cart I will be SO flipping giddy. You are genius, lol.

    How does one even grow almonds? That is amazing. Are they potted? Tree?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Almonds grow on trees. And in plastic bags. I will get video of me shopping-cart-running and make you giddy. You know you could have said, "SO fucking giddy" on this blog. You don't need to do the flipping or the fricking or the freaking thing. Cut loose. I won't tell on you.

      Delete
  6. You're insane. And that was a fucking funny post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're insane. You created a wordpress account just so you could leave a comment on a blog. And you fix the fucking President's computer. And you're smarter than the average bear. You saw the bullshit and extracted the humor. You rock. Even if you are insane.

      Delete
  7. Oh, and learn from Kara -- one baby makes you fast, two makes you lose your mind (I mean, if Kara had a functioning one to lose).

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I had to have a few more so they could help me find mine. We're still looking.

      Delete
  8. here in Cape Town I was running a 10km race in one of the Townships and a guy pushing a shopping trolly fulled with 3 crates of beer turn out of a side road just ahead of me... It took me almost a full km to drop him!!!

    Princess Di was one, and Kate is going to become once!!! But one of the important letters in MILF is "I" So would I look at some-one who can't break 2 hours for a half, would they be a MILF? So get out there and run that half and kick Sarah Palin butt...

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    Replies
    1. What does that tell you? Right! Start training with a trolly full of fucking beer crates!

      I'm no princess, I'll tell you that!

      Delete

Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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