January 14, 2013

Mailbag Monday #2

We have a bona fide question from a reader this week! Does anyone give a shit that it wasn't an actual piece of mail? I don't.

It appeared in a comment:


Who doesn't fucking LOVE Picnik?

(I'm protecting this person's identity because s/he is insane).



Setting myself up for failure.



Question #1. By what measures are we determining "success" and "failure"? 
  • number of pageviews?
  • number of comments?
  • personal enjoyment on the part of author/reader?
  • number of times I can unforcedly stick the word "fuck" into a post?
  • how fast I run?
  • will I be able to sustain the intensity my audience has come to expect after ONLY FOUR FUCKING POSTS?
  • if I ever finally get some FREE SHIT?
Question #2. Do I really give a shit about "failure"?

I'm going to answer my own questions in the hopes that I somehow manage to appease the questioner.

Part #1. Since it's MY blog, I'm going to say that as long as I am having fun it is a "success." I will deem it a "failure" when it isn't fun for ME anymore. Of course, it is more fun to have engagement (comments and emails) from one's readers. And what blogger doesn't LOVE attention – which can be further measured in pageviews and followers (and free shit). This means if you want to keep reading this good great stuff, ENGAGE, people. Feed the animal. And remember – if I wind up with any free shit, I will absolutely share it. 

Part #2. When I started this work, I had no real plan. I have been approaching it much like a 5K – go balls out from the onset and hang on for as long as I can. The marathon is not my forté. Why pace if you don't have to? There is no failure in trying. If you've given it your all from start to finish, the outcome cannot be called "failure." 


That's the answer. NO, I'm not setting myself up for failure by making my posts so funny. I don't "make" them funny. They just are. That's just me. I'm not doing anything I don't normally do in real life. Yes, it is fucking exhausting.

*Update: I forgot to say that when I think of the word "failure" I think of bridges collapsing or important ropes and cables snapping. Buildings buckling. Then I remembered that it really doesn't matter. People don't want to hear that or pithy shit like what I wrote in response to the original question. People want to hear this:


Just ignore the rest of this post because that sums it up it in two tidy words.


  1. Spot on.

    Any good personal blog is going to have good posts and bad posts, just like people have good days and bad days. This is what makes blogging great.

    Remember in the old days when you actually left the house to go meet friends for coffee? Well you didn't roll into Starbucks with a Fitfluential t-shirt and a NUUN cap so you could pimp branding, did you? No, I think not.

    I still have no clue who you are but you are pretty funny and clearly not dumb. This blog definitely serves a purpose. You won't burn out for awhile I reckon.

    (All said by the guy who makes his own attempt to buck convention yet only enjoys the benefits of very few readers)

    1. I will take comments like this over free shit any day of the week. Today's score:

      Tally one in the SUCCESS column.

  2. I love your pithy! I also love the short answer :)

  3. i don't have any free stuff to give you...unless you have size 5 feet. I have a pair of running shoes I don't like and only wore once...I'd give those to you for free. love the blog. :)

    1. I can't comment on your shit – you're all "NO COMMENT, PLEASE" like a big shot! Too cool for school. Good luck with your first marathon. You always remember your first – keep that in mind and make it a great one. I could give the shoes to one of my kids! FREE SHIT!!!! YES!!!!!!

    2. ack...I didn't know people can't comment - I thought I had this diqus comment thing all figured out. No wonder sponsors aren't banging down my door to give ME free stuff. I'm decidedly NOT cool - i'm a nerd. :)

  4. I still don't know, do they want you to fail at running or writing?

    are you still running? are you still a MILF?

    OH dear another question, but if the answers are yes I'll keep reading...

    And if you are ever in town I'll offer you a drink... (the best I can come to free stuff)

    1. I don't think they want me to fail. I think they think I'm going out too hard and too fast, which is a legit concern. I'm going to take it as a sign that they want me to be around for a while providing questionable satire that very few people seem to get. I'm still running. Sort of. The question of being a MILF is so individual, as you mentioned before. I'll take a poll and get back to you.

  5. A blog is a success as long as you are happy writing it. Period.

    1. Excellent. Another tally mark in the "SUCCESS FOR TODAY" column! We are hashtagwinning over here, people!

  6. I thoroughly enjoyed this over a steaming pile of hot dish. And after I read "FUCK FAILURE," I marched across the street and propositioned the mean crossing guard's husband who drives a conversion van. He demurred. So, I was unable to fuck failure today, but I tried. Thanks for the advice!

  7. I always define failure by how much I have to buy/eat to drown out the day's lack of James Bondesque adventures and/or number of online rants internalized. But, then, I'm old school.


Say it. But if you can't own your shit, don't dump it on me.

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