Dear MILF Runner,
Hi. I am also a mom and in my 40's. I started running a year ago as part of my New Year's Resolution to lose weight and get in shape. I've never been athletic, but when a runner friend of mine told me about the 12 in 2012 challenge I figured if she could do it, so could I because she looks worse than me. Anyhoo...I fell in LOVE with running right away. I run alllllll the time. I've never felt quite a rush like I did with those 12 half-marathons last year and was all geared up to tackle the 13 in 2013 (I even got a different colored sparkly skirt for each one I've entered) but now my heart is breaking because it hurts my knee and my ankle and my hip so much to run and I'm a total bitch because I'm always in pain yet I am so inspired by all of the great fitness blogs I read that I can't stop running! It is my outlet and my "me" time. It helps me retain my sanity. Running is my LIFE! My husband is really pissed off at me and has threatened to burn my running shoes. What should I do?
Signed, MomLuvs2Run
Dear MomLuvs,
I am so sorry you are in pain. It is admirable that you are striving for fitness and health,
Here is my advice
- get into psychotherapy. Both individual and couples. Even though you think you are retaining sanity, you aren't. You are totally insane.
- stop running until you are no longer experiencing pain. Explore some cross-training that doesn't cause pain.
- while taking a break from running, start strength-training and doing core work in a relaxed, regular, non-obsessive way.
- with all exercise regimens, there should be rest days. Rest is a critical part of training. This period of self-repair is the very foundation of improvement.
- put on one of those sparkly skirts and go have sex with your husband. That's why he's pissed off. Shit, if he has to tolerate you being a bitch, he should at least be getting laid for his trouble. And everyone knows that sparkly skirts look totally hot.
And if you're still in pain after trying all of these ideas, it's probably gluten.
Sincerely,
MILF Runner
Damn. You're funny! Glad you came by my blog so that I could discover yours--keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHaha... wow. I agree with the too many miles too quickly. That sounds like the culprit. 10% rule to continue running is always best.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible to be "so fucking smart" and yet be so out of shape that I can't even run a half-mile? I have the endurance of a fart. I'm glad I found your blog because (a) you're funny, (b) I might learn a thing or two here about running, and (c) you don't make me feel bad about not knowing a thing or two about running. Oh, and of course (d), linking to my blog. You're cool!
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. Who are you?
ReplyDeleteI am MILF Runner. It will all become clear to you someday.
Deletehaha. Hilarious. And yes, it probably is the gluten.
ReplyDeleteAnd if it isn't the gluten, you KNOW it's the dairy.
DeleteO, wow. It's like you're inside my head. I LOVE this!
ReplyDeleteI'm not in your fucking head. I'm in my living room.
DeleteHa! Love love! A sparkly skirt for every race...ha ha!
ReplyDeleteMatching sparkly headbands, too, most likely.
DeleteAnother awesome post. Wow.
ReplyDeleteAren't you just setting yourself up for failure, if you make your posts that funny?
Yes, you can use that question in a future post; thanks in advance.
You have provided Mailbag Monday #2.
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